I was at the gym today killing myself on the stairmaster(I hate hate that machine but its the best for raising heart rate and burning calories ) and I overheard these 2 ladies talking. I assume they were friends
Girl A: She at 18 months can string 3 word sentences. She shocked everyone by saying “I can do it”.What about Alexis?
Girl B: She hasnt said much. The most she says is Dada.
Girl A then went on listing her child’s accomplishments. I felt bad for Girl B. I knew they both were first time moms..they had to be. Only first time mom compare every single thing their child does. Once you are on Child No 2, you gain enough knowledge to know that every child is different and that each would do his/her thing at his/her own pace, that or they dont have the time to care.
Samar didnt say a single word till he was almost 15 months. He would grunt and point at something. He didnt do the nonsensical babbling babies do. I was okay with it. He crawled and walked and jumped early. He kicked and threw ballsbetter than 2 yr old. I voiced my concerns at his 1 yr check up. My ped then wanted to do a special hearing test. I was in two minds about it. However, he started babbling the next week and I knew things would be okay.
Why does it matter whether your child knows all the Abcs and their sounds and the pythagoras theorem? I never sat down with my kids and made them do work. We are huge readers in this house, we go to zoos, museums and stuff. I had tons of crap from magic markers to playdoh to lego to wooden building blocks. Isn’tthat enough for now? They have their whole life to study and learn. I know of people here who send their 3 yr olds to Kumon. What will a 3 yr old do at a Kumon? I can understand at an older edge wanting to give them an extra push but at 3?
She walked at 3, he potty trained by 2..so what? Do you get a prize? Is the child who is in diapers at age 4 has a bad mommy? What is the point of comparing? To me, comparing is just another way of making the other mom feel bad.
it doesnt fricking matter.
and its not a first time mom thing. i have a frnd whose second daughter is a day apart frm my first, and from the newborn phase, its always been “she’s rolling over, how abt yours” “she’s so social, why is yours so shy”, “she finishes her lunch at school, yours doesn’t?”
enough already! rave all you want abt your fruit of the loins, just dont put her in the same sentence as mine….arrgh!
i personally think, this kind of comparing is to make self feel less insecure.
I have observed that too but some people don’t even realise that they are hurting the other mum’s feelings.
Loved this post. Its a pet peeve of mine that parents tend to treat their kids as super important client portfolios and seem to act just as aggressively when it comes to comparing them to their peers.
What ever happenned to just letting your kids be ? I mean after all is said and done, all i’d *really* want for my kids is that they are happy and contented in life. other than that – i’d love them anyway.
p.s. regarding the speech issue – its good to be vigilant. I’m not saying that its ok to crow about kids’ achievements – but if a delay is suspected, its probably better to err on the side of caution and get it checked out.
again, great post,
Priya.
On the other hand some moms with start the compare-a-thon because they’re insecure about their own child’s development. They want to hear how other kids are doing so they know if they’re keeping up.
i think every mom wants to know if her kid is doing as good as the other.
and then there are some who KNOW the kid is doing super and will intentionally compare. i dunno what kind of people get such cheap thrills!
and seriously, we take whole educating the kid thing too seriously! they will learn their ABC’s eventually!
cheers!
I think it’s common for first time moms to compare, I did. Olivia was so slow to talk, I was worried, but she did walk early.
The Kumon thing bugs me. We have a friend (Asian..and mind you my dh is Asian) and she really pushes her kids. At age 5 before Kindergarten, she had her son going to Kumon to do complex math problems….he is going to be so bored in Kindergarten. It seemed like it was just memorization, too, and not learning the abstract part about math and whatever else they were doing. I think if your child is falling behind in school that those types of places are something to try but not to push your kids. Then they might end up being turned off by school or certain subjects.