Just finished showering, at the gym’s locker room combing hair and putting make up on. This lady was next to me.
Me: I hate getting white hairs.
Lady: You have white hair. Where?
(I walk over and show here)
Oh well, you will have really cool looking salt n pepper hair. Wait till you have kids, then you would really start getting them.
Me: Uhmm I have 4. Oldest is 10,7,4 and 2.
Lady: No way, you look so young. How old are you.
Me:32.
Lady: So you had your first at 22. Wow. I am 46 and I have a 6 and 2 yr old. When did you get married.
Me: 20. but my spouse is older than me. I married young, travelled alot and then had my kids my young.
Lady: If I could start over again, I would have mine earlier. Like 35. I was thinking if my kids wait till my age to have their kids, I would never see my grandkids.
Me: Thats such a morbid thought. You shouldnt think that way.
Lady:Well, I’ll be 60 and have a 20 yr old. That is going to suck.So did you finish college.
Me:Nope, I dropped out and got married. And I was thinking about this. What will I do when my youngest goes off to kindergarten in 3 yrs. And thats my goal..to figure out what I want to be and work towards it.
Lady: Oh you have enough time. You still are so young.
Me: You think.. I will never have a career like some of the women I have seen.
Lady: I had a career before my kids. then I switched to part-time work and now although I work full time, I am never going to get at where I was before. I am not willing to work 90 hour weeks anymore.
(I didnt ask what she did, should have though)
Me: Women are screwed either way. We have the short end of the stick.
Lady: Yeah.
Me: It was nice talking to you, see you around and have a good day.
lady: Yeah you too.
see that’s exactly why the conscious me is vigorously shushing the baby-wanting subconscious me.
Me: Well you still have a few more years to decide.
hahah yup – agreeing with Roo there…except I feel like I might end up in the other lady’s shoes!
Stuck between a rock and a hard place hmm…
Me: All I have to say is that DO NOT BUY MADE IN MALAYSIA DUREX. Thats all..
I’m the golden middle
I graduated university and had the first child at 25 
But I ddin’t really manage to have a career, nor to do a LOT of travelling. There’s really no winning.
Me: Nat, nope no winning for us.
asaan…the frustration of being between a ‘rock’ and a hard place comes because we are still using the same old same old ‘sexist’ checklist regarding whether we are doing well…too many black and white areas of either Earth Mother or Career Czarina…what if we came up with a whole new “happiness index” which acknowledges some grey areas?
Me: A new happiness index…What will one put on it? Non saggy boobs after breastfeeding? rofl
I’m gonna be optimistic and say that we can have it all. Maybe not at the same time but if you have enough focus you really can have it all. Famous last words?
Me: You know who comes to mind when thinking about “having it all” Nancy Pelosi. She always had one hand in the politics but she only actively joined after her youngest was in high school. I remember reading that somewhere.
short end of the stick is right. but i would never really wish to be a man. i dont think i could be so happy with my career if i was not a mother with an obsession for exercise and vegetables.
Me:
You always make me smile
Sab kuchh kah dala 5 min ki baat mein..
I mean this is what goes on each woman’s mind..doesn’t it?
Me: I was telling NK about this conversation and you know what his response was, “what does she do? ” When I said I didnt ask that, its not important. He said, are you crazy, that’s what wrong with you women. Thats the most important part of the conversation.
interesting conversation!
yeah you can do loads in a coupla years, like do some cool stuff you like and go on to make a great career.
Me: Sigh you think.. I have an idea but let’s see whether it comes to fruit.
You have brought to light a few answers to the many questions I had about women’s locker rooms and what goes on behind their closed doors.
I have never really thought about the decisions a woman makes in her lifetime. Thanks for sharing your conversation.
So…
1. When you get the salt & pepper hair, keep the salt & pepper hair because salt & pepper hair is… well, you know.
2. When you’re youngest leaves the nest and you have the chance to become whatever you want to become make sure the mom in you doesn’t take a backseat.
Also…
I am glad I am not a woman.
(thanks for your comment)
Me: Waves Hello at Joe. I am debating about the saltnpeppa hair. I think I might want to dye mine violet because apparently it looks really cool on black Asian hair.
I went to college and even went on to grad school, I have the degrees but very little work experience, only a few years worth. I had my first baby at 28 but I still won’t be back in the work force for a few more years at least, then I will be late 30′s nearly 40, it will be like starting all over again. But I’m glad I didn’t wait until I was older to have kids. That I don’t regret. When I die I want to be remembered as a mom and a grandmother not for my paycheck. Though, a nice hefty paycheck would be nice!
Me: I want the paycheck dammit. I want the Birkin bag and the manolo shoes. Who cares about the kids.
ure reply to nm…that’s what G tells me everytime…how is it that i never find out what people do/work
Me: Men’s mind work differently from ours. When I tell my dh something, he comes up with the weirdest, least important stuff.
well, i had my first child at 25, did a fair bit of travelling…now the kids are 11 and 6 and i find myself with more time on my hands,
i really really wish i could get going, but now i can’t even work in Singapore, because i don’t have the work permit…
Me: Well at least getting PR there isnt a huge process like here and then you can work.
so back to square one…trying to pick up new skills…
and loved your post on the reading habits of ure daughter …gave me a few new titles for my boy…:)
Me:Oh good.. Let me know what he reads and how he finds them.
hey.. wat’s wrong with made in Malaysia stuff??! hhmmpph…i’m deeply offended! eerm… but pls count me out of the durex conversation..
Me: I know quiet a few people who got preggo using that brand
my mum got engaged at 19, got married at 20, sat for her undergrad final exam right after the wedding and had me when she was 21. that’s d reason y EVERYONE who sees my mum n i together thinks that we’re sisters! especially in supermarkets or while shopping but i happily skip along and call out to her “MA .. is this wat u were looking for??” *hehehe…mission accomplished and i happily continue shopping with my famous mischievous smile!* LOL
Asaan… u have a career already woman! many ppl who have degrees and high paying jobs cannot manage four children for nuts! n its only because u r young, u can manage all ur kids so well. my aunts who had children when they were in their late 20s find it difficult to manage kindy kids while my mum had no problem managing me and all my nonsense
Me: Aww you’re so nice. This is another debate one cannot win. A young mom with energy or an older mom with experience/patience. Which would you choose?
hey Joe, i’ve heard many men’s locker room stories… but u wouldnt want me talking about it in public now.. would u! LOL and also… i am GLAD i am a woman!
Me: We need Joe to write a post on men’s locker room conversation.
Hmmmmp!
Gee whiz
Hey…Can you ever imagine two men having a similar locker room conversation???This was just too funny!
Me: I am now curious what men talk about in locker rooms
But you know what I liked best about this post? The non judgmental tone. You did not defend your choices or accuse someone else for theirs. Why can’t we all be like this?
And dear, if you really really want something, you will get it. Like losing weight. Hard but can be done if you put your heart to it.
I picked up my books again after marriage too, there were no children at that point to bother me and the gap from the last time I was in school wasn’t much but it hasn’t been easy. It involved tough choices. I know others in similar situations who didn’t do what I did because they didn’t want a job so bad. I stayed back in FL to finish my classes for 6 months. And now I don’t follow the husband around when he travels.
I have full faith that you will have a career if you really want it.
All the best!
Me: Thanks for the vote of confidence. I have something in mind and hoping that it will come true.
i have degree and high paying job which i will quit in a couple of months to have baby no.1.
i really really want to take a break and raise my kid on my own.
yet i also feel scared of letting go of all this.
asaan…i feel u do an awesome job with ur kids. it take huge amounts of energy, patience and enthu to do what u do….and i bow to thee. 3 cheers for u
Interesting post. Unfortunately, it’s a lose lose situation. Though I hope when my kids grow up, things will change.
Opening a jar of worms with this post hehe.
Pros and cons to each side. The lady you met had a career, but when she’s older as she said the kids wont be as old. For you, yeah you can start a career or job etc now but you have no guarantee how well it will go, will just have to try and see…but when you are older the kids will be grown up and you will have fun being grandma.
You just have to let nature lead your destiny where it takes you.
And men don’t think of these things. ESPECIALLY desi men. Don’t get me started on how pampered indian men are…even if they do take ou the trash and pick up after themselves. Having a penis means you lucked out. I hate saying that…but I’ve (sadly) heard it so much from my indian cousins…at least in America there is a bit more equality on the home front, but career wise it is the same…the women make difficult choices.
Yesterday I was thinking if I will be too old to look for entry level jobs after my daughter starts K next year. I am glad I am not the only one:-) nice blog:-)