My oldest child is turning 10 in a month. She knows her way around the Internet. She knows I blog and she knows what it is called. She has shown an interest in what I write abt. She wants to read what I write. Its only a matter time before she finds it and reads it.(if she hasnt already, which she claims she hasnt) I do not want her to read my rantings and ravings. I do not want her to take something I wrote here and throw it in my face when we have an argument. I do not want her to get think I love the others more than her. Or that her father and I had fights our whole married life. The one I am most afraid of is, that she takes something out of context and takes it to her heart.
What do I do? I cannot blog and NOT mention my kids. They are a very integral part of my life. Not writing or talking about them isnt going to cut it. Do I then filter my thoughts and think 20,000 times before I publish something? Again that is not me. Do I make this blog a private one and give out passwords? If my 16 yr old cousin wants the pswd, do I then give it to her?
I would have to do the 12-Step Blogging Detox programme. I have been doing it for so long,, that to not do it would seem like a limb is cut off. Okay I exaggeratebut you know what I mean. I have made some posts private and would continue to do so. But I have alot of posts and very little time.
I have been toying with the idea of starting another completely anonymous blog. But I discarded it. I do not have it in me to to think up code names and stuff. Seriously, if I started one, I think my sisters would find in 1 hour flat.
So what should this mom do?
ETA: This is what I am going to.I am not going to move. Dont know abt making my blog unplottable. What/How does one do that?
I will do a search through archives and make those private. Then I am going to exercise more control abt my crazy rantings and ravings. I am also going to follow MIM’s excellent advise and email Ashwina some of posts which I think will relate to her. I dont want to move. I cannot handle it. If she was really determined, she would find me wherever I am. What do you guys think? I’m surprise that my trolls havent come out and said I Told You so when they warned me not swear because I AM MOM.
hmm.
*trying to think*
go with the pwd option i guess
I vote for password.
Lock it down or build the alias. I can lie for you so all you do is the substitution. Hee!
<– Master of Disguise
Me: Rofl Jamie. Thanks for the lying offer.
make selective posts private/pwd protected as you go forward. that way you can choose a diff pwd for each post, depnding on whether you want the 16yo age group reading it or not.
disable access to your archives from your main page. and over a period of time, privatize the old posts too.
Wow, this is the first time this issue has come up in all the time I’ve been reading mommy blogs. I’m curious to see what comes of it!
Me: You know why right? Firstly, no one calls their spouse bastards. And mostly they have younger kids.
The suggestions above, with respect, seem a bit complicated. I’d suggest this:
- Migrate to a new URL. If you stay with WordPress, your template can remain exactly the same, merely with a different something.wordpress.com address. You won’t lose this blog either.
- Don’t mention that URL on this blog, obviously– ask people to mail you and tell them the new URL by return mail.
- Make the new blog unplottable. If you don’t read Harry Potty, what I mean is set it so that it won’t show up in search-engine listings. Also remove the URL from your Facebook page and anywhere else the kid could find it.
- Continue to blog as usual, without annoying passwords!
Great, I’ve managed to make my suggestion seem complicated too! Basically: Move to a new, unfindable blog.
This will delay the kids finding your blog until they grow old enough to ask you for the URL outright. In the meantime, don’t worry about it and remember: Satyameva Jayate!
I’m not just talking through my hat here: Since I began blogging I’ve been waiting for the day my folks come across it. Many things in there I wouldn’t want them to read. And I haven’t even made it unplottable!
Ok, I might be wrong here, my oldest is still only 5, but why can’t you just talk to your daughter and explain to her a few things/ That at 10 she is too young to unerstand it, but she can read it when she is 16. I know you have great relationships with your children, surely they’d understand and respect that? And why is it so wrong that she knows that your husband and yourself fight? Who came up with the idea that marriage life should be quiet? When 2 absolutely different poeple come together, there SHOULD be sparkles. You shouldn’t be afraid to speak up your mind and argue. After all, you’re still married more than 10 years later, so you’re doing soemthing right?
As with sex, smoking, marriage, children, blogging, this is something we are goign to need to talk to our children about. I expect Vicki to learn about it at the appropriate age, and trust me when I say it’s not time yet.
Sorry for the novel:) I just really don’t want you to start censuring yourself AT ALLLL
)))))
Me: Nat its not just the fighting. Its alot of things. I dont even remember what all are in my archives.
kids know when parents have fought or not. whether u tell them or not. Ashwina is old enough to understand that its ok to argue/parents do fight but it does not mean they dont love each other. Or that it is somehow her fault.
with that said if u feel uncomfortable, move the blog or make it private. If u make too big a deal she might try really hard to find u though! wanting what she cant have and all…..
Me: Thats what I figured. I am however going to tone down my posts a bit. In fact, I already have started being Zen like
whatever you write in a public forum is available for all to see. you must decide whether your most personal thoughts should be aired in public — would you tell your friends personal family stories/secrets? would you tell strangers? even your daughter’s friends could one day find the blog, and find a way to make fun of her. and because of archiving, it is very difficult to hide something that has been written and published online.
discretion is the better part of valor.
Me: You think her friends would be interested in what I have to write. I dont really have secrets here but nothing that I cannot tell my dad/mom/friends.
So true. I got the same feelings last week, eventhough my son is only 5. I made my blog password protected, since i use blogger, i don’t even have an option to make some of posts protected. So finally after lot of thinking I made my blog password protected. I now sometimes its hard to explain a 10 year old your point and the reason for a particular rant. Good luck, I know you will definitely come up with a best solution. I love reading your blog, so if you make it private, do send me the url.
I went through this same thing a few years ago. I decided to just not write about my kids. I might write about them very tangentially, but overall they’re barely mentioned.
At first I thought this would be impossible — not writing about my kids. But I’ve found so many other things I love to write about, I don’t even miss writing about them.
Me: Anjali, I remember when you shut down your hundredacrewood.
You can try using abbreviations for your kids’ names,and also blog at a location that is kept secret from your kids. I have very traumatic memories of parents fighting as well as sibling rivalry..:( If you decide to move your blog,please share the address,I love the way you write!
Definitely password. I would be a bit frightened too… but that’s just me. It’s kind of interesting that kids nowadays are become savvier at using the internet, and at younger ages.
tough question!
on some levels i am thinking, you come across as such a positive woman with wonderful relationships that if she read it, she would like it! so, let it be.
but of course as a mom i realise that ANYTHING we do can be cause from censure from the children, even my own five year old.
keep me in the loop (although I am so unhelpful) okay?
Me: I am not moving and you have helped.
This is a tough one S !!!
I would say it is not fair to not write about the kids. i ams ure they would love to read what you thought at various stages of their life and maybe even laugh at the petty fights they had or stuff like that. Till they are at a age to understand the context in which a particular post was written and not take things personally, it is best to keep the blog hidden from them. Try makiing the blog unfindable by google or other search engines and try changing the url from asaan to something else even if the blogs name is still asaan ..
Hmmmm, yea, a tough decision indeed….but I go with perakath on this one…..what he suggested is a good idea and is definitely worth a try……..
Your blog is just gr88 and I really love reading it!!
Take care,
Deepa
I totally understand where you are coming from. I would suggest changing your url and using their blognames. I agree that the kids will find out if parents had argued and they do understand that parents love each other too. But my concern was same as yours – what if they pick up a fewthings and misunderstand it at this age.
i go with perakath.
move.
but to satisfy her curiosity,
you can give her printed copies of some of your stuff… that way she’s feels she’s reading what you are writing…
give her 1. general posts/
2. posts that say nice things about the entire family/
3. posts about your fitness update…
Me: This is a fantastic idea. I cannot believe I didnt think abt this. This is what I am going to do.
Hey babes,
Have been checking the pictures and your fitness posts. You look great. And I really admire your determination.
Me: Aww thanks
Regarding this, why don’t you take this opportunity to improve communication? Face to face, children her age hardly give us any time. They are either embarrassed or irritated or just busy. Let her get to know you better. Let the times you said they drive you crazy be balanced with the times when you said she made you really proud. And yes, the ones where you just vent, make them private. Tell her, she can read them when she is a little older.
And I know this is your space, but what I have learned the hard way is by writing what we feel at the moment, we sort of set it in stone…there is no going back then. Not everyone is mature enough to understand that our opinions change and if we hate someone today, we might love them tomorrow. So there is no harm in thinking a 1000 times before you say you write you hate someone. There is no harm in toning it down. Because you know this feeling will not last but the written word will.
Me: Yes.. maybe I will vent and vent and then not publish it. Thats good therapy, almost mature like behaviour.
And if she will throw them in your face for the next 20 years…Both my husband and bro talk about 10 year old grudges with their Moms. Its funny to me but they go all red in the face and argue how she didn’t let them learn swimming, go on a trip with friends and blah blah…so I don’t think I will give Aarzu any more reasons that a child of a non blogging mom has, to hate her mom. I will not talk abt things that might embarrass her or could hurt her in public…
Me: Yeah, they are going to hate us no matter what, right? I dont think I have written anything that will embarass her, in fact most things are very boastful type abt how smart and well-read she is.
Sorry for the long comment
Hope I didnt come across as someone who thinks she totally knows what she is talking abt, coz I don’t.
Me: Nope you sound like you have 5 kids ages 20 and under. rofl. Very very wise advise.
Uff– tell us your plan already!
And remember that an invitation-only blog means no more RSS feeds. That’s a big pain for readers, and you’ll lose some.
Me: You crack me up. I have to tell you Samar’s chaadi story on FB.
Check this out!
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/04/13/i-hate-david-dellifield-the-one-from-ada-ohio/
Well, by the time I read this you had already decided your plan of action and I think it’s good. I also want to add that maybe you want to take this time to talk to her about personal space and how this is a place for you and a place where you talk about “grown up stuff” . Tell her she can access when she is older. And like you are going to mail some nice posts to her to satiate her curiosity.
Toning it down and tempering it will do away with the therapeutic effect that blogging has, no?
LOLing @ the last line in your disclaimer!
me like your solution.
Hehe thanks!
To make your blog unplottable: Dashboard>Settings>Privacy>Blog Visibility>middle option (block search engines, but allow normal visitors).
Every few weeks someone lands up at my blog by searching for my uncle’s name. (Same surname.) It’s only a matter of time before my dad finds it too. I figured I’ll just keep writing normally until then, and worry about it when it happens. Perhaps they already know!
I can’t remember what it was like to be 10. 5th grade, right? Will she even understand the full implications of anything she reads?
If you ever do password-protect it, you could leave the password in your will so that your kids read it like in The Bridges of Madison County or The Notebook
Sorry, I don’t mean to be morbid…
Tough choice… But glad you made a decision.
Though the brat is only 5 now, it will be no time when he starts reading it. He actually knows that I write a blog about him and baby. It also helps if you know the purpose of your blog. For example, mine is for reminiscing for after the kids fly away from their nest. So I try to write the positive things so that I forget the things that would upset me even after so many years. May be you should decide on the focus of your blog from now on or move select posts to another blog so that you can keep this one for ranting and being yourself.
Whatever decision you make will be a sensible one, so don’t fret too much.
I’m glad you brought this up. I struggle with this too – even though E is only 3
I wouldn’t want any of my family to read my blog (except my husband) because that way i can be brutally honest with myself and what i want to say.
But if they ever do read it – I know I would stand by what ever i have written – that’s just who I am and I wrote what I felt.
I know you’re honest with yourself when you write, and I think if your kids are old enough to read your blog – then they are old enough to understand that grown ups sometimes need a place to vent out what they feel – it doesn’t necessarily reflect on how you feel about *them*.
Gosh, hugs. I hope everything works out. I’ll still be a loyal reader btw. tell your kids I think they have a wonderfully sensitive mom.
Priya.
my kids, 4 & 5 visit my blog often. hubby didn’t know about it but now he does. I am not gonna stop writing but if its must I might make it a private blog where you have to sign in, this way if someone visits you, you will know..
I just LOVE the new header…totally awwww…:)
looks like the right decision has been made…you had valid fears and i’m glad that its been resolved to some extent…
a lot depends on why you blog, whether it is to vent out/just keep track of events/or random…perhaps you should have another blog called rants and raves…and call everyone by initials…and call yourself as sr and you can totally go bonkers there…
u could try explaining to her that she’s too young to read ur blogs and understand it now, and that she can do it when she’s 16 or 18. but if she refuses to listen, then go ahead n do wat u’ve planned. it sounds like a brilliant idea. i dread the day my folks find my blog, which i highly doubt they will.. so i dread the day they ask me to show it to them or give them the link!
somehow u just dont write the same way when u know there r ppl whom u know very well among ur readers list, rite. for me it has been like that.
Become the Administrator from your pc at home, and BLOCK http://asaaan.wordpress.com on your kids’ accounts.
Then change your user name so if she googles it from an outside pc, she can’t find it.
Lemon squeezy. Of course she can get around this, but for a few years i think you’re good.