My sister asked this, as did my mom and my inlaws. How much more you want to lose? Abhi achi dikh rahi ho(You look good, my mil said) My mom commented that she could see my collarbone on Skype. She wears rose colored glasses, my mom. Another friend in CO who I emailed recent pictures asked me do I have a goal weight? I told not a weight but a clothing size. A single digit clothing size.
I attend a weekly weightloss support group called TOPS every Monday. At this week weigh-in, I gained 4 lbs from last week. I knew I would gain because *ahem* vast amount of alcohol+ tons of carb consumed = weight gain. I was expecting a 2 lb gain but 4 lbs blew me away. (To top it off, I still cannot run or do spinning or any kind of cardio because of my burnt foot.) At this support group, the women always tell me I look good enough and I shouldnt complain about my weight.
I am still not happy with the way I look. I still see layers of blubber every where I look. My tummy, my double chin, my flabby arms. I still am 20 lbs heavier than NK. I have always been heavier than him except for a brief 18 month period when I lost the weight from Ashwina’s pregnancy and before getting pregnant with Avasha. I want to be “thin”. I dont want people to look at me and think katha peetha ghar ki hai. I dont want the comment tabla and sarangi(someone actually commented that during our last India trip) ki jodhi hai.I dont want to be the biggest person present in the room. Is that vanity? Will I be happy when I fit in a size 6? Will all my body image issues disappear?
One of my goals I was working towards was wearing sleeveless this summer. I havent worn sleeveless outfits in 10 years. I always had arm issues. I have tons of stretch marks on my upper arms and always self conscious of it. Not to mention the double flapping action that happens when I wave my arms. I told my trainer, I want to concentrate on my arms the most and we do pretty hardcore biceps/triceps/shoulder/deltoids stuff. I finally bought a few sleeveless shirts and after storing them in the closet and looking at them, I wore one out a few days ago. On a hot summer day, in a cool sleeveless shirt with size 10 fitted shorts. Yet, I still wanted to cover my arms when I was out.
For now, I dont know what my goal weight is going to be. I dont know whether there will ever be a time where I am not constantly thinking abt my weight. I am uploading some sleeveless pictures I took.Tell me you see the flab under my arms and that I am NOT crazy.
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Heya Sraikh,
Can I first say that you DO look good? Honestly. And I am one for obsessing about my weight as well. This post really spoke to me, because I am not ‘large’ by most standards but I am also not ‘thin’.
And ‘thin’ to me is being at a weight/body shape that I am comfortable with. It’s funny because even when I was a size 6-8 (a size I never really paid attention to) I hated my body because I had these damn curves that made wearing jeans impossible. I’ve only gone up a size but the mental torture I have gone through realising all my clothes don’t fit me any more and that my ‘curves’ are actually FLAB is what gets me down.
I yo-yo in between not giving a flying fuck to what I look like and being determined to rock and look hot no matter what and so do things like my photoshoot (even though I was scared shitless), and feeling like the whale next to sleek dolphins at work. People tell me I look good, and I believe them but there’s also a part of wondering if they are just being nice. Or maybe I’m insane.
The point is, that until YOU are happy or at least accepting of your body (and not thinking about dress sizes) you will continue to obssess and find fault in every nook and cranny.
A size 6/8 won’t solve your body-image issues, but being healthy will. All the best babe
Me: Sigh, I guess I sorta of knew that but was hoping that it wouldnt be. Why do we do this to ourselves? See when I see your fb pictures, I see you as hot and sexy in your LBD and yet here you say you dont feel that way. Why cant the mirror show us the way others see us?
[...] View original here: When will I be happy? [...]
I think you are looking good.. and the sleeveless suits you.. so dont you worry! Think of the long way you have come and give yourself a pat on the back, and feel good about how you look! Also keep up the good work, the single digit size will be yours soon
Why would I need a mirror when I have the kids to tell me what they see. And you know they wouldnt lie.
Me: Thanks Preethi. Am patting myself on my back. Today my 2nd child said Mama, it still jiggles but not as much as before, referring to underarm flapping.
why does this thing show me as a green monster??
Me: Its a random generator. I think it likes you.
I can understand sunita. Everyone can say stuff like you look good enough and you should be content with what your body looks like and all that but when you have a particular image in mind you want to be like, it is impossible to be content with anything less than that. Given your determination and achievements, I would say heck, you surely can get into your goal size if you work towards it.
Good luck and I am sure you can do it
Me: Thanks Prashanti. Hopefully when I do get to that goal size, I would be finally happy with myself.
You know that’s the problem. When I think that I’ve lost as much weight as I wanted to and start feeling confident with clothes and feel good about it, my husband and relatives ruin it for me by saying that I’m not looking good (all glow gone from face etc.). And when they think I’m looking good none of the clothes (that I want to wear) fit me. In fact I start having embarassing times at the mall looking for my size and that makes me feel so low. I am so thoroughly confused about what weight I should be
Me: Gosh that does sound confusing. Why relatives say you dont look good, is it because you have lost too much weight and look tired and thats why they said that? I think we need to learn how to ignore people and their comments. Its what WE feel and how we look in the mirror that is important.
Don’t hate me for saying this, but I would think and act like you as well and that’s the honest truth! I do obsess with my weight. I am not fat, but I am definitely a lot heavier than I should be, after two babies! Not sure if your goal weight is getting closer to your pre pregnancy weight (mine is), but you are not going to stop thinking about it until you reach your ideal weight, the weight you think is right and you get the toned look! You have come a long way, well if you say from size 20 down to size 10.So, give yourself a pat and continue to do what you are doing until you are happy! I am sure you’ll get there, you are totally determined, so no doubts there!
Me: I doubt I would ever get to my pre-pregnancy weight. Its something I dont even remember now. The lowest I have been was in 2000 at 156 lbs and I dont know whether I can get to that again. If I do make it to that goal, I will die a happy person.
I think the answer is somewhere in between. When you’ve spent a significant amount of time at your present weight or lower, your body image will adjust to this. You’ll no longer think of yourself as being in the high-teens of dress sizes. When that happens, you’ll probably be happy
Me: Hmm, I would have to re-evaluate this when I do stop losing. Maybe thats when I would be truly happy when the weighinng scale stops going downward.
I guess everybody else sees that you’ve come a long way, and you’re seeing the way you still have to go. Both views are completely valid. Maybe your present support group has members who have a lot (like 40-50 pounds) to go and are not able to empathize with your 20 pounds to go? At the end, this is all about what you’re trying to achieve – and only you know that
So, keep at it, all the best! I’m sure the pounds will continue to melt off.
SC
Me: Your first comment here right? Welcome, love the userid + blog name My favourite kind of chai.
going on a slight tangent i think but i’ll ask anyway:
what impact does a mother’s (justifiable perhaps) worrying about her body image have on her daughters?
when i was growing up, i never heard mom or aunts even mention weight issues. they simply didn’t have them – maybe because their lifestyles were different. they ate anything and everything and managed to work it off without even thinking about it. in other words, they did not have a separate regime to cope with weight issues. also their clothing did not require particularly stream-lined body shapes.
our generation has different standards. and the impact on little girls especially? what do you think?
Me: This is a whole another blog post, chox. I constantly worry that I am projecting my fears and insecurities on my girls. I try very hard not to say negative stuff abt myself, ie I am fat or I look fat. But I dont always succeed.. They are already subjected to so many things in the media that they dont need to say such stuff to them. I also am careful abt saying stuff like I should eat dessert or have another aloo paratha. Its hard and I slip up so many times.
How tall are you?
Me: 5′8? Why?
I think you are looking fabulous in that pic! I wish I looked as good in sleeveless clothes! I agree with Spicy Chai’s views completely.
And I think it is awesome that you are so committed to it.. I find it so difficult to achieve, you know – that commitment!! Way to go!
Me: Thanks Smitha. You know what is my secret to the commitment. Baby steps, even if I dont feel like working out, I tell myself, I will go to the gym and hang out in the pool. If I dont feel like running, I tell myself, I will walk slowly instead of running and at least get out of the door. And I dont think abt the 20-30 lbs left to lose but 5 lbs goal weight
so baby steps are my best friend
yeah well people laugh outright at me if i claim to have weight loss goals. but the fact is that i know i am carrying fat in my tummy still and that it will be good to lose that. anyway i think you have it figured out, you do what makes sense to you, and does not matter what the others (including me) are saying!!
Me: It affects even you, Marathon runner?And skinny as a rail. Then there is no hope for me.
I think it is the mental image of you that are trying to achieve. I look at myself and remember what I looked like in college. Two kids and I still hanker for that weight. I am around 14 pounds away from that,around 10 pounds from pre-preg but I do feel that I will be happy only if I gain one of those numbers. In the end, who cares if others think I am ok, I want to feel good.
Dee
Me: I hope you get those numbers soon:)
Oh first you need to realize that it will never be enough. I might be sounding very harsh but I experience this too.
Me: I remember a quote, One can never be too thin or too rich
YOU WILL NEVER BE THIN ENOUGH FOR YOU. You really need to find a place where you can stay and still love yourself. Getting into single digit size seems like a good target, but once you get to 8 will you be happy or would you want a 6, and then a 4, 2, 0 and so on? Give yourself a lot of credit for where you are now and keep doing what you do is what I would say.
Me: One of the things that would make truly happy is being a smaller weight than NK. So either he needs to start gaining weight or I lose more
I wonder whether there will be a day where I fit into a 6 and would be crying that I want to be a 4. Will you slap then if I do that?
I remember your old pictures and your arms definitely look much more toned. Do you see that now the flap does not move as much as it used to before? Well, that is toning for you! Also, don’t compare yourself to the husband. For some reason(maybe god hates women) men don’t put on weight as easily and look almost the same year after year, plus they dont have to carry a baby in their tummies na?
Me: Thanks for the compliment S. I need to go dig some old pictures and compare.Men just stink at times.
I have these same issues. I have always been the so-called healthy weight and was teased all my childhood about how I eat my parents’ food(they were/are stick thin) and then in 2005 I started tacking the weight monster and was 130 pounds in 2006. Then I started gaining again and am now 140. I workout like a crazy person on steroids and watch what I eat. The husband works out cursorily and still maintains a trim figure and people tell me how I eat his food
. I think I should make peace that and accept that I will never be thin enough for anyone, ever!
Trust me, find a place of peace with yourself, and make that your goal. You look SMASHING lady!
(sorry for the long comment)
Me: What is wrong with people who say suchs things? Seriously how can one say that to someone? even as joke> Argghh!
First time here and this was one I could so relate to immediately. This one is an obsession for me too. It is not so much the weight I want to lose but the exact part of the body I would like to lose it in. I live eternally hoping that some day that will happen but like you said the day the mirror shows the image we are looking for I will be happy
BTW you look just fine in your sleeveless 
Me: waves hello. I am still waiting for that date.
Hello!! U look good..and a 65 pound weight loss is no joke. You did a kick ass job in getting to the shape u are in. Also happiness/contentment plays a part in maintaining ur weight loss. Make a conscious effort to be happy..I know this sounds a little weird..but when u think of something that pulls u down..immediately move out of that place and think of something that makes u really happy….something ur kids say that make u laugh…….you will notice that slowly but surely there will be a marked improvement in the way you think.
So Hurrah on the weight loss…hope ur leg heals fast and u get to hit the gym soon
Me: Thanks V. I should do that to make myself happy, or that I have so many nice readers who leave me such wonderful supportive comments.
Cheers
V
I like the way you have pumped your wrist and posing to show some muscles , haha!
Me:
I had to show off my biceps definition right?
Jokes apart, I definitely think you are overestimating your size. The sleeveless looks perfectly fine. Maybe you should go with little more deeper neck cuts
Me: I love deep v-necks. Its makes one’s neck look longer na? I bought this particular shirt because it was on clearance, was $3 or something.
As many here have already said, keep at the weightless until you feel comfortable in your skin..don’t give a damn about what people say.
Hey S,
I don’t see flab in ur arms. The bicep is very visible and I can see a tricep too.
Me: biceps hai, triceps not so much
Regarding body images, I have wished I had more curves on more than one occasion. I hate my skin and hair but there is little I can do about that. So I just ignore the voice in my head and have begun to like myself the way I am. You on the other hand can work on your body to get it closer to your ideal.
Me: I hate my thinnning hair as well. And lets not even start on my skin which scars even if I get a tiny scratch.
Since you are still losing weight, I’d say carry on. Why not? If it improves your self worth. At least you are not puking your guts out. If you can shed few more pounds, look better (though you look great already) and feel better and get a sense of accomplishment (something that we all need) I say go for it girl. We will talk therapy if the target is constantly changing and you start doing unhealthy things to get there or if it starts interfering with your social life. Or it makes you miserable to go to the Gym. If none of that is the case, where is the problem.
Me: See you made alot of sense. You broke it down in simple stuff. I dont know what was the point of this post? To get compliments? I was channeling my inner voice I guess.
Can I just say I know how you feel? i was never thin, and I have almost invariably always been the largest in the room. But the issue is I love to eat, and only recently have i become determined to actually do something about my body. Mostly in terms of improving health and fitness levels. The fact that I would look better as and when that happens, just gives me added impetus.
Me: I love to eat too. Its been better now that I am not in Singapore where there is always good food(cheap as well) available all the time. I miss Singaporean food.
You look lovely, and I mean it, you have such beautiful features, people would kill for eyes like yours. Stop being self conscious, please. It is killing, and I know it because I have done that for myself. I am sure with the immense efforts you are putting in, soon enough you will be the size you want to be. hugs, and all the very best.
Me: Thanks GM, its hard to look in the mirror and find one thing I like abt myself. I am going to tell myself, I have nice eyes from nowonwards.
hats off to u for being so determined to loose weight and for working on it so much. i’ve been sitting on my lazy ass, stuffing myself with food, and steadily making my way into a size 10 rather than running back to size 8… that’s how determined i am!! but i think size 6 would be unhealthy. u look kindda tall.. i think u should be a size 10, or 12.. u’d look great!
Me:Thanks Chumi. I am 5′8 so slightly above average. I am right now a 10 but my goal is a 6 and to weigh the same as my spouse.
U look fit..I don’t c any flabby arms..
I used to be a size 8 pre-pregnancy and I used to be sooooooo unhappy with my weight…so much so that I used to diet…
Now after having my baby….and having 20lbs to loose, I wonder why I was sooo unhappy with my size 8 in the past
Me: We’ll get to that size again. S. I know we will.
Aaaaaaa a comment from you on my blog!!
And I enjoy all your posts!
You must be wondering why am I so excited?
Cos’ I have been a lurker on your blog for quite some time and am totally a fan!
Totally love your kick-ass attitude!
Hence the excitement.
Me: Rofl.
I’m not sure about how much weight you must lose and all.
I can only tell you one thing..that you look fabulous! Ekdom jhakkas!
And you’re 5′8? Oh my god, I’m such a dwarf. :S
Me: Most Indian women are 5′2 and wear 120 lbs. Not so much now but all the ladies my mom age are around that height.Not that weight maybe?
Hey! You really do look great in this picture, and like I’ve said before you’re actually the inspiration for people like me to move my butt and work towards my goals as well.
Me: Thanks Neha. I always touched when people write they are inspired by me.Me a lazy bum who hated working out.
But I do realize that when everyone starts to tell you that you’re obsessing unnecessarily about it, you start to feel like you’re imagining it all in your head. I guess, the only advice is to follow your instinct, but not overdo anything. I think you should continue on your journey of weightloss till you feel content about the markings on the scale/ waist size/ dress size. Happy gymming
Me: Yes, I wrote this in another comment but I think I will be very happy when I am lighter than NK even if its 0.1lb less
And gymming and happy do not belong in the same sentence.rofl
5ft 2in????? I am not even that much.
which means you are MORE THAN HALF A FOOT taller than I am. remind me never to stand next to you…..
Hey. First I hope the leg is better..
Me: It is. I will post an updated picture soon. I still cannot do any cardio though. Hopefully by next week.
Been reading you for quite some time now and I’ve seen you make such remarkable progress. I know how tough it is because my husband has weight issues and I know what it takes to lose even a measly pound. I’d say keep up the good work and you know best what size / weight you’d like to be. Go on meet it..I’m here rooting for you to get there!
Me: Thanks GDS.
I see the muscles in your arms. Yup.
You’re getting there!
[...] 16, 2009 by Munchkin's Mom Tagged by Asaan, this tag has been languishing for sometime in my drafts folder. It’s just that I feel a [...]
omg…mere man ki baat likhi! People ask me the same thing. I had put on 22 kgs and have dropped 15 but I refused to feel happy till I lose the rest of the 7 kgs(which by the way is proving to be quite difficult).
But then I wonder that when I was a size 6 I still thought I was fat(I must have been blind and retarded then) so where am I going with this anyway?
Me:Hindsight is 20/20 or something like that right?
And yes you are a lot more toned than your previous pics but I understand your insecurities.
Also seriously, someone actually made the tabla sarangi remark? Jesus!
Me: yup. Maybe thats why Pera asked my height. rofl. Did you read Shilpa’s comment. Her’s are worse,asking whether she ate her parents portion of the food.
You’re 5′8″? Me TOO! I guess if I ever lose weight (am trying), I’ll just look at your pix to see what I’ll look like, as a template of sorts
I guess I lose the weight from the face first. So I give the impression that I am thin while my jeans size is till 32 inches
. My hubby discourages me from weight reduction big time saying “who’s the consumer of your beauty – if I like you this way why do you have to lose weight”. But I do want to wear all those sexy dresses 
Me: You know, I notice skinny faces as well. I have a chubby round face and will NEVER that skinny face look. What a ncie dh. He needs to teach a thing or two to mine.
Yeah people can be mean sometimes. My relatives still imagine me as the plump girl from childhood and are shocked to see that I haven’t broken all records for obesity and am a normal weight now. One good thing about being 5′8″ though is a few extra pounds don’t show so easily!
Me: YAY for tall women and if I remember you wear a size 10 shoes right. Yay for payless..rofl
About wanting to be 4 when you are 6, I am sure that is going to happen to you. Not because there is anything wrong with that, but because we humans like to push out limits and see how much more we can achieve when we succeed. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. But remember always that finally these are very superficial things, and things that can really go out of your hand and mess up your mental makeup!
Me: I have you right to tell me to be happy when I do reach that size:) I will not clamor for 4..I swear *crossing fingers behind her back*
You better tell yourself that lady. And you look great for a mom of 4. Really!!! And you determination and efforts to lose weight can never stop impressing me.
Me: Did you change your blog title?
Weight numbers make more sense when you know the height as well…
Me: So what weight numbers did you come up with?
Also, you dont look that tall in any of your pix, y’know
Me:
Next time, I will take a picture with a 5′2 person and then you will see .