Remember my not being able to afford things post? It came back to bite me in my ass. I am very upset at something which I cannot afford.
My 3rd sister is getting married in India in Dec. There is no way we all can afford to go. Then I thought I will go with the boys since the girls are in school anyways. NK and I were just discussing this and both girls started getting upset. Its not fair. We want to see R mausi. And they plunged the knife deeper and said, We’ll miss you so much Mama.
It’s going to be at least 5k for all of us to go for less than 2 weeks. I don’t think its value for money firstly and 2ndly we simply don’t have that money.
Then I was telling NK,what if I come up with 3k and you give the rest? He looks at me and says something vulgar in Hindi. Then I said oh oh what abt we starting buying lottery tickets. He gives me another look and starts mumbling about footi kismet.2 days later, I tell him how about I start selling stuff on craigslist. His answer,tumare kachare kaun kareeda.(who will buy your trash). Forget about going. We’ll send her nice gift.
I then sigh and said I will blog about it and see what ideas my readers have. And even if they have no ideas,just writing it down will make me feel better.
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I can totally understand your situation S! Its been 2 years since i came here and I am simply not able to save enuf money to go to India myself
.
Me:Sigh!
I hope you guys can figure out someway. Btw Is it you in the pic???
Me:yeah its me. Doesnt it look like me? I wrote that post on my phone. Off to check on my laptop
You seriously need to read this book “the Secret” to get rid of this pessimistic attitude.
Me:Me pessimistic? really? I always looked at the glass half full.Okay who are you? I know all the Singaporeans reading this.
How much would it hurt you not to attend the wedding? Is it something you know you can get over? Then dont go. Times are crazy now and its better to hold on to ur savings. I know I’d be in pieces at not being able to go, it would depress me for a long time. On the other hand, running up a huge credit card bill or swiping all ur savings doesnt seem like a wise thing to do at this time either. I’d see how much it would set me back and go with the boys if I felt it was something I couldnt get over. Shop just for wedding necessities. Try and explain to the girls and hope for the best that they understand. I’m sure they will since its your sister.
Me: Thanks Nat. I think on the actual wedding day if I were not there, I would sit down and cry and think XYZ is happening and why am I not there. Sigh.
BTW – I just want to give you a a hug. Ur so unpretentious and real. Wish u were on the East coast.
Me: if you ever come out to CA, email me and we’ll meet
You looking lovely S! I love your dress. I so understand your inability to just take off and go. Don’t worry, something might just workout, who knows. Just believe that it will, and it just might. I wish I had idea on raising money, but unfortunately I don’t.
But I am sure something will work out. What are all those be=ooks you are carrying? On the way to the library?
Me: Yes this was taken just outside the library. Ashwina’s books.
plan c.:
tell someone to video the whole wedding and watch it live:… as it happens. there must be a method to do that –.
plan d.
and i think you can start scouting for dirt-cheap deals on the internet… ? you never know, what you may find…
that sucks!
you should go with the boys…the girls will crib a bit but in the end it will be a learning experience for them too, to manage without you.
on a positive note, you look great
My brother got married last year, and we spent every single penny to go there. So this year, it looks like we just can’t afford to go to my Mom’s 60th birthday. I mean, we could, but then we’d struggle. The girls would have to cut down on all activities, we’d never go out, and we coudln’t probably afford a car, and we need it. To be honest, I regret going to the wedding. I wish I listened to my husband, and sent a really expensive gift or even money (And only after I wrote this did I realise NK suggested that. Not saying in any way he’s right, just saying in my case, ben was right, not that i will ever admit it to him)
Now, if you REALLY wanted to go, could you not make the trip by yourself? LImit yourself to one week only. Then you could consider night flights, long interflight changes, you know, flights you woudln’t normally go on with children. You could arrange playdates for the boys, so NK gets some free time while you’re gone, or even arrange for a babysitter for a few days for them.
Or, you could start saving money, selling stuff, doing whatever, so that you have a savings of a few thousands, and you could go visit them when you can make a big holiday out of it, you know, for a month or so sometimes next year, or maybe when she’d have a baby
how abt taking up some short term part time kinda project Or putting an advert for some services that u can easily provide.. one of my friend went to US to join her husband taking a leave from infosys job in india and since she didnt want to come back alone and work, she started with a small catering thing from home.. and within a month started getting party offers… n has finally got an IT job there. it was a good experience, she made money and kept herself engaged all this while.. all thru craiglist..
Me: I dont know about cooking dude. I could kill someone
Well…the sister who is getting married thinks…you should not get her any gift at all and just come for the wedding with the kids. NK can stay back save on one airfare at least…..
But seriously….never imagined that i will be getting married and one of my sisters would not be there….feels weird thinking abt it.
Anyway….worse case scenario would be i would skpye you in from the mandap and you can see the wedding…hopefully that place has wireless…Lol..
Me: Aww you so sweet no. Okay I have been talking to NK and we might have a plan. Will update in a bit
1. You look like a 18yr old college girl in that pic. that dress looks so great on u.
Me: HA!
2. I feel ur pain…my mother is going to India for 3 months in October I wish I could go with her…I can’t afford it either. dammit the economy sux (my excuse).
Me: I blame everything on the economy. The trolls, the weather, the traffic. Everything.
3. Anon’s advice on reading ‘The secret’ – AVOID at all costs. It’s bullcrap to say the least.It would take a truck load of optimism to have 4 kids and look after them as well as u do.
Me: Okay good no need to waste my time getting optimitistic then
5. In regards to ideas on making some cash…yes craig’s list/ebay. Books, toys, old furniture, clothes etc. But again u knew that… hmm.. what else..
6. Saturday job? …I know I know..not so practical. u r run off ur feet anyway.
Sorry I’m not much help.
Me: You called me a 18 yr old. That is huge.
I love love LOVE this outfit!
This dress looks so gorgeous on you!
I HATE the idea of missing a close family member’s wedding…and yes, affordability is all well and good, but sisters’ weddings are special…and for your girls, it will be great fun, possibly the first family wedding they can remember. If anything I’d leave the boys behind, as you they need a lot of care, especially Samar – can NK handle them for the time you’re gone?
Me: I dont think he could handle Samar without me. Samar is very close to me, not to mention his various medications and lotions. I dont trust NK with it. I simply dont!
Are airline miles an option? Can you buy miles – may mitigate the costs somewhat. Can Ashwina make and sell some jewellery on etsy or similar? The bracelets look professional. Sell anything you can (within reason
) and go!
Me: I dont know about miles. Have to look into this as well.
M
Love your maxi dress.
wa?! that’s u?! u look so thin in this!!
i understand wat u mean..i’m dying to go back home (actually, not fying cos mum’s here aalready now but i still wanna go back home), n i wanna go to india too.. it’s been more than a year since i left…. damn the expensive flights and damn the loooooonnngggg journey!!
y dont u try checking out a lot of different flights? the fares are usually cheaper that way, but u wouldnt wanna imagine how long it’d take for u to reach ur destination! oh, n u can also write adverts in ur blog n get paid for it. u’ve got a good number of readers (and a couple of haters.. this is d only time when it’d be useful to have some haters), i’m sure that would work out!
Me:Ohh good idea about google ads. Off to research this
I agree w/ MIM…have someone log in to a messenger..yahoo maybe? and use a web cam to beam it to you guys…
We did that at my wedding. Worked out v well.
Me:yeah, we use Skype alot. Wah but I want to be there for the haldi and the mehendi and I am the outgoing one. The one who starts the dancing. My 2nd sister is too shy and my youngest sis doesnt dance. And I want to steal the jhootis. I just made myself more depressed.
Also one person’s trash is another persons treasure..u never know.. try to sell some stuff….at the very least, you will have a cleaner house!
me: I listed some things on craigslist. Let see.
Hug
Also u look great! The weight loss is REALLY showing
Me: hey you havent blogged in ages!
I think maybe take the girls instead of the boys as another commentator suggested? Or go alone and then just for a week? Or go with your original plan. The girls might be upset at first but I think if you explain it to them and maybe have a small treat in exchange they’ll understand?
Me: I have been throwing stuff out with NK. I will post an update in a bit.
Side note, the pic is stunning and I think maxi dresses are hard to pull off but you do a good job.
me: Thanks Uma
Hugs first girl! A predicament indeed. You look good in the picture.
Now to the solution.
1. I think you going with the boys works best. Since girls are older you can talk to them and make them understand that they would miss 2 weeks of school and also that money is tight. Promise them that after you comeback, you will take them for a short trip. So during Christmas, you can take them somewhere fun nearby. Kids these days are really smart and understanding.
Me:Not to mention bringing home bindis and curis and lenghas.
2. Ask a loan from your parents and repay them.
Me: Well, they have to pay for the entire wedding not to mention the airfare from Singapore to India so this is out. During my 2nd sisters marriage, my dad actually paid for our tickets. 3.
I read your sister’s comment and she wants you to be there and ‘no gift’. So how about all of you going now and you can always gift her something later.
Me: Yeah
Congratulations to your sister R.
HUGS. I feel for you. I know that I would want to go to the wedding at ANY COST. Use your
blog for financial gain.
Me:Thanks
Set up some google ads and ask your readers to click once a day.
Why don’t you set up a paypal donation button like alot of other blogs have. Name it to your Travel Fund and readers can give any small amount, ranging for $5 to whatever amount.
Me: I read this out loud to NK and he looks at me horrified and says are you a charity case. What is wrong with you. Why6 you post such personal things online.
So you can see how that idea will turn out.
See how many people understand your predicament? You MUST go to your sister’s wedding.
This blog is a service you provide to others. Asking for contributions toward this trip is not charity. It’s payment for you sharing your life with us with such beautiful words.
Me: Awww A. I sent you an email. This brought tears to my eyes. Thanks!
Well you have shared the gift of your life,loves and peeves with us and in my case saved me therapy so why shouldnt we help. I would suggest tutions in mandarin, baby sitting and cooking for kids with allergies. Build on your strengths. Cross cultural training for people going to Asia. Let me think up a list. think Yes i Can, the mother who juggled 4 kids and X kilos
Me: Awww. I am touched. I really am.My Mandarin btw sucks right. My intonation is all screwed up. The babysitting wala, i am going to look into. Who wouldnt to hire a mother of 4?
If all else fails the jhoota chupai should cover flights.
Me: rofl. Can you move to US and be my neighbour?
hi dear, we dont think you are a charity case, tell NK. just that its sweet of you to talk openly about such things instead of allowing it to fester inside.
i hope you get to go (i am sure you will).
dont have any clever money making schemes to propose, of course. thats not my strength, really.
Me: Thanks Kenny.Hugs!.
@Dugi: Sraikh, You do look like a college girl in that pic. I read the post from my mobile yesterday and thought it was a pic of your sister getting married. Didn’t read the title
Me: Its the sunlight playing tricks
Everybody goes through this kind of situation, dear. 5K is definitely a huge amount, too huge for just 2 weeks. We have had similar situations in our household before. May be not a matter of affodability but a matter of choice! As you said, the “value for money” factor.
Looks like Anonymous haven’t read “the secret” ‘him/her’self. If they did, they wouldn’t have posted that comment here. By the way, why ‘anonymous’?
Anyway, I did read that book and loved it. It helped me shape my life better. Different people have different views about that book. My own best friend read it and had mixed opinions where as I look at it as a life saver. Yet, we both respect each other’s opinions.
Me: I will read and get back with an opinion.
What a frustrating quandary:( Hope you do get to go. I’ve seen the sadness of a friend who couldn’t go for her bro’s wedding (becoz she was pregnant) and then for her father’s funeral (becoz her baby was tiny and they couldn’t afford it).
She came later both times and said she made up for it big-time. So, you can keep hoping and trying. And I know abt hubbies and their cribbing abt ‘personal’ stuff on blogs. Whatever!
Me: That is so sad about your friend. I ignore him. He doesnt even read my blog.
Btw…I loved ‘The Secret’. It’s turned a lot of lives around and makes total sense to me:) All the best!
Me:I have to find this book now, I guess.
Aww I think you are sweet to put up this on net and ask for suggestions. NK should be happy to know that his wife listens to reason. I am telling yo if I had a sister or for the matter even a pet monkey who is getting married in India I would have sulked and made life miserable for my husband
Me: rofl at pet monkey.
keep looking for the deals on tickets. I have seen some amazing ones lately. Stopping impulsive buys and eating in always does the trick for us
After all totally understand you can’t miss sister’s wedding. Hugs to you. Am sure you will make it work 
cant u get a short term project on anything… freelance writing? u do write so well
and hugs loads of them… i am sure u will make it
Me: You are very nice, you know that right?
and BTW u look gorgeous in that dress
Me: Thanks Monika.
Hey I don’t have anything to add in terms of suggestions but I plan to make you feel better by telling you that you look like a sexy college undergrad in this pic.
Me; rofl, I do feel better.
forgot to add, the comment aims at making you feel better because I took the pains to comment. But it is a genuine one, the niceness of what I am saying is not just to make u feel better…you know what I mean, right?
Me: yes I do know what you mean.
my older couldn’t make it for her wedding. she was expecting her first baby and was on complete bed rest exactly that one month. i was miserable and so was she. but hey thats life. it goes on and its not so bad.
just saying this in the hope that you’ll feel a bit better.
and you look gorgeous in that outfit.
DLurking..
no, i dont have any ideas for raising the money..in fact i could use some ideas meself
but that outfit is fab..you look great in it…
*my older SISTER couldnt make it for MY wedding.
eeks typos!
as always,I am late to the party…I did read yesterday and was going to comment after aadi went to bed,but i slept off before her.
Anyway…Now that you have a plan in place..I am glad.
I was going to suggest Babysitting and your craft shows:).
My cousin is getting married..my masi’s daughter..and my masi,sis and cousin,all are missing mom and wishing atleast I would be there.But,we simply can’t afford the TRIP,after this big move.I mean we can scrape through and raise money for two tickets,Sanj stays back..but then,that means,shoe-string budget for the rest of the trip and cut down on so many things for the rest of the 6-12 months.
Also,if my sister gets married,in that time,it means,me not being able to attend..so..
sorry to make this a mini-post..
Me:It sucks to make the decisions. Sigh.
all the best, you sisters
congratulations Renu..
on top of that ur husband seem to be sweet enough who wouldn’t like to see u cry/sulk the whole day if u dont go …
I think gifts or no gifts, the physical presence makes up for everything. you must go. and with family. maybe u can save on some things after u are back. make a short trip, keeping more days before wedding so that u can spend more time with the bride to be
Lolz to ur reply…sorry to butt in here. But I am sure you won’t kill someone as you have such a healthy kicking family even after all that you feed them?