Comments on: First comes Love, then comes marriage.

By: Highland Gal

Highland Gal — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:28:24 +0000

I’m late to this post but wanted to weigh in anyway. I think the trick is to take marriage seriously in the first place. You both have to believe your vow. Otherwise, if the shit hits the fan then either of you can bail. If your vow means something then you know you are stuck together forever so you’d damned well better work out your problems. What’s the point of working through the hard stuff if there’s no future for you together? Gotta mean what you say at the altar.

Me: Thats true as well. if one party keeps saying screw it and its easier to call it quits, then you’ve already lost the battle

Agree that frequent sex is what keeps a marriage together.

Me:

By: serendipity

serendipity — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:46:26 +0000

I just loved this post of yours , though i am not married , i totally agree with you on the fact of making a marriage work ..in fact be it any relationship..

Me:waves hello.

I really admire your attitude , despite 4 kids , 12 yrs into marriage and you still keep ur sex life active .
May be you should give guest lectures to all young women in the corporate world on ” family , relationships, kids and career ”

Me: ah But I dont have career. So no lectures there.:)

By: Priya

Priya — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 01:40:21 +0000

Sunita, its not hard for me to believe that people can fall out of love. i’m a freak that way. in such a situation, would you still expect someone to drag on because they said they would ?

Me: No. But its just so sad.

someone close to me went through this, and all i can say is that i hope this girl knows what she’s getting into because divorced life is not easy.

but then divorce is a sad business altogether.

Me: It is. And I feel for my friends who are going through this.Especially those who have kids.

that said, once a week woman ? suddenly i feel very sorry for myself

Priya.

By: tearsndreams

tearsndreams — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:47:02 +0000

Okay this reminded me of something else. I read somewhere that the ratio of fun-fights in successful marriages is 5:1. That is the minimum that is required. Timeseries, psychological research by Gottman institute showed that the couples who seem to be always fighting, versus couples who fight now and then, versus couples who never fight, if you ignore the fun part, there is no pattern on who breaks up. But when you notice closely, even the couples who fight a lot can stay together if the ratio of fun that they have and the fights that they have is 5:1.
So the ones who are doing it once a month, can only fight once in 5 months. You however can fight once in 5 weeks and still have a stable marriage without the sky falling on you

Me: Good to know that. I think we fight once a week…

By: Poppy

Poppy — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 09:57:11 +0000

You said it sistah – it’s sex all the way. When I said that however on some post, a lot of folks called me regressive
Whatever.

Oh and most important tip for happy marriages. Do not, I repeat Do not open your mouth when you are PMS-ing. Have realized this very very late that the bad feelings I have during that time are transient, however the abusive words spoken by me (oh yes!) are permanent.

So these days I mark the PMS days, send myself reminders via cell phone and when he begins to irritate me more than usual, I just up and leave the room. Or space out and think of something funny.

Me:rofl.Nk asks me is that time of the month? And I apologise later for the crap I give him at times.

By: chandni

chandni — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 06:25:22 +0000

Its sad whenever relationships break.

but then I think its wisert o end things than stretch them.

yes one has to work at it, but if one loses the will to do so, there’s no point being in that relationship no?

Don’t know…its just sad though

By: 2Bs mommy

2Bs mommy — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:38:21 +0000

awww that’s sad…falling out of love isn’t that easy when you have really loved a person enough to get married to him/her. But there could be so many other factors ( family interference, work committments, abuse etc ) that she might be thinking that its not worth going through, I can understand if that can become tiring and thats what your friend could be referring to.

Me:Yes.. I still think there’s more to the story that meets the eye. But we all agree marriage is hard work and not a bed of roses.

By: alwayshappykya

alwayshappykya — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:16:41 +0000

Me and the hubby had a terrible sky-falling-on-the-head type of fight recently and he screamed divorce to my face..spent entire night staying up looking for attorneys while I lay in the bed emotionless.Next day was hell too and he said he was going to meet an attorney. My ego did not permit me to stop him..rather told him ‘Don’t act so silly..it’s not a game to just break the marriage and walk off!’. There was no sorry coming from either sides..while the heads and heart hurt bad.

Me: I have had those kinds of fight as well. We didnt talk for 2 days before either he gives in or I. I however never researched attorneys though.

Rest of the things are hazy now..but by late evening we were hugging each other tight and kissing while swearing not to behave so bad with each other ever again.

Something came alive that day..and thankfully remains to live between us since then.

Feels good to fall back in love

[Psst: Totally with you guys on the sex part.Those that dtd once a month are freaks..not you..not at all!]

Me: pss isnt make-up sex the best? My other favourite is the getting re-united after being away sex. Its all about the sex.

By: tearsndreams

tearsndreams — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:36:50 +0000

The description of the header reminded me what I have been meaning to tell you for a very long tome. Your pictures- with and without kids are totally different. You have so much warmth, glow and affection on your face when you are with one of the kids that no matter how hot you look in the single ones, for me the ones with the kids win hands down in terms of how beautiful you look. Always!

Me: Aww thanks. I think the kids make me look good.

By: jaya

jaya — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:02:12 +0000

very well written post, and about cutting the socks, i do the same..leave his laundry in the machine and monday morning he is looking for underwear and shirts

Me: I do that as well.