I sat down and tried to plan my travelling dates.
My parents will leave Singapore for India on the 19th of Nov. My sisters will leave on the 21st. The wedding is on the 27th. I found China Airlines which will take me from SFO to Taipei to Singapore for USD$820. Singapore to Kolkata would be SGD$390. If I left on the 16th, I would reach Singapore on the 18th. I would have 2 days to run around and get my American visa stamped. Then I would leave with my sisters on the 21st. 22nd, my inlaws would come to Kolkata. A total shock and surprise there. I thought they wouldnt come. But they said if I was coming for the wedding, they will come meet me.
My sisters and parents would be busy with the wedding shopping and prep work. I would have to entertain my inlaws. Who knows how much nautanki the boys side will do?
27th wedding night.Will Heartless Renu shed tears during the bidaai? Or will she wave and say bye?
28th, My parents would leave for my nani’s village. My sisters I dont know what they are doing. I would leave 28th as well to go to Singapore with no one at home and then leave for US.
I sat down and wrote this whole pros and cons list and how it didnt make sense at all for me to go for this wedding. I chatted with a friend yesterday and I told her all this. After that, I chatted with my sisters. The bride to be, said its sounds very hectic. I told her I am seriously re-thinking the whole decision to come. I have until tomorrow to buy the special priced( SGD$390) Kolkata ticket. It goes up to $800 otherwise. Back and forth, back and forth.
The older 3 kids would have their Parent Teacher conference that week, not to mention early dismissal because of conferences. NK who can lose my gigantic stroller at the zoo, he can very well forget a child at school. If I do go to India, I would be thinking about the kids here. Not to mention, I would be worrying about what my inlaws would think? Will they compare my wedding to my sisters. Will they ask why they didnt get XYZ and Renu’s inlaws got it?
I finally with a heavy heart, decided I cannot go. I simply cannot spend 4k and not even have any time with my family.in India/Singapore. I would rather go next summer(or in summer of 2011,maybe Renu will have her first child by then) with all of my kids and have fun. Its very painful to make this sort of decisions. Its easier to say, screw the 4k, I am going for the wedding. But I cannot. We might have to fork out money for Samar’s expensive Neocate formula from Sept onwards. Insurance which has been paying it(its $45 a can and he consumes about 10 cans a month, so$500 a month) has run out.(I fought with them bastards and they approved it for 6 months. I am again fighting but hold less hope this time round. If we lived in MA, the insurance has to pay but CA has no such rule.) Ashwina has expensive dental stuff coming up. Its just makes my head spin, how everything is tied to money.
I am taking down my travel suitcase. That thing frankly made me uncomfortable. After my swearing and cussing, the asking for money got me more trolls. I dont want to justify each and every purchase I make on my blog. I dont want people to feel uncomfortable that they are students and cannot contribute. That wasnt my intention.
It sucks being a grown up.
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Awwww, is a sad but a wise decision..
U come for my wedding k…
I was planning to go for my sister’s engagement and finally cancelled due to some administrative issues. I can understand how you must feel to not go to your sis’s wedding
But given the circumstances I think you’ve made a wise decision.
Whatever money you allotted for the trip expenses, use it to get your sister a BIG gift when you meet her.
Hugs.
Me: Yup, thats what I am planning on doing.
Hugs sunita….dont know what to write, i know its a painful decision.
these insurance people are ridiculous. they refused to cover the neocate for my son. i have to try appealing one more time.
Take care
Anju
Me: I hate insurance companies. When they approved it back in Feb 09, it was approved till Aug..I dont know why they will only approve it for 6 months. His allergies arent going to go away in 6 months. And I went through Apria, who are even more of asswipes. They are charging insurance $1500(when Neocate sells it for $450 for the 10 cans) and I have a 20% copay which means I have a $300 copay instead of $90.. My head went in circles when I found out about this.
Babe…so sorry to hear this- I know how much this means to you. It’s a brave decision and a very grown up one and one that also sucks.
*Hugs*
Me:hugs back Sil
Ohhh Sraikh..i know it sucks..:( But..sometimes we have to be grownups..but u did the right thing..So,proud of u..And on the day of the wedding,we’ll all be here,holding your hand..and sending u virtual hugs.
Big hugs
Trish
Me: I am going to be so upset on that day!
oh no ! Completely understand how tough it must have been for you to decide not to go … is this the first major family gathering you are going to miss?
Me: Yes.!
Sometimes, we have to make so many sacrifices … its so hard
Me: Its hard
aww. too bad. hang in there now.
You weighed everything and arrived at a wise decision. Your words sure convey the pain you are in right now but I am sure your sister will understand.
Some decisions are tough to take. Lots of hugs. Take care!
It must be crazy with kids’ school re-opening. Mine is starting her full-day Kindergarten tomorrow and I just finished my last minute shopping.
Me: We bought school supplies(sharpening 48 pencils and 1inch 3 ring binder in the exact periwinkle shade. LORD!) when the boys were in camp in early July. I needed a lunch box for Ashwina and we went out and got that on Monday. Everything else I did early on. backpacks, shoes,lunch box.
How about having a virtual bridal shower for your sister?
Me:Another good idea.
Me:
I think you should have a traditional celebration the night of your sister’s wedding with the people most important to you here and toast them, video it and send it along with a gift.
Me: Brilliant idea. I should do that!
And I would absolutely choose to take the trip where the focus can be on each other rather than tasks. I had no idea everyone would be that busy- if it was on the smaller, intimate side then no problem but you don’t need to spend $4k during what will be an impossibly scheduled week with your kids.
Me: Indian weddings are crazy. Alot of drama. Alot of rituals. All sorts of crazy stuff going on.
Someone bluntly told me once that my family was my kids/husband and I had to quit putting the needs of my old family first and at first I was taken aback but then I realized things were different and while not always black and white as that, it was absolutely true.
Blah. We’re, like, totes old ladies with responsibility.
Me: I am like an old lady.. I swear this month, I wake up with ten new grey hairs each morning.
What Kenny said.
Oh that sucks Sunita, but you have to do what you have to do. And this schedule is maddening, it’s definitely not worth it. I say you call them more often and ask one of your sisters to take a lot of pictures and update you constantly. Also you could try one of these.. http://www.shaadionline.com/wedding-webcast.asp
I know someone who used this kind of service to broadcast parts of their wedding. You could as well spend a fraction of the cost and even pay for this yourself.
Me: Ohh I will send that site to sister. Interesting, the options that are available.
Aww deh….I think you have made a wise decision, though hard but I think Renu would defiitely understand. Its just too much and we would not even get any time together. Your plan to come in 2011 sounds good; just like last year when all of us were together after a long time (Not sure where I will be in 2011).
Me:Yeah, last year was fun.
And regarding your old family and new family; seriously family is family, whats old and new. Donate the money to some charity, at least that might shut your trolls up a bit! And cheer up, we will meet soon!!! Very very soon..
Me: YAY! Yeah I already contacted Kiran from that blog and am going to give her that amount.
awwww! hugs to you!
it indeed sucks to not be able to be a part of important stuff in the family. happens to me even if i am in India. so many weddings because bangalore is just too far to travel by train and flight tickets burn a hole. doesnt seem worth it for 2 days somehow. plus to goddamn chhutti from work is another pain
so i can understand your decision…
hugs yet again.
Me:Thanks Abha. It does suck to make all these decisions and be at peace with them.
Hugs, and more hugs S! I know it must be a tough decision, and painful too. Being grown up indeed sucks, cannot just throw caution to the winds and do what we feel like. Being a parent alters life in ways we thought was never possible. It really does. All I can say is, I am proud of you, you have decided on the tougher choice, but the wiser one. Hugs again.
Me:Thanks PG.
And to hell with the trolls lady, you have your own life, and own choices, if they can’t stomach it, let them move on. Strangely enough, I never, ever get trolls, just got it a couple of times earlier on my social issue blog.
I am not popular enough to be hated see….. 
Me: Oh just throw out some curse words here and there. They will come then.
Cheers to being the wise mother, and loads of love.
i have only one kid, but have 2 weddings, 1 thread-ceremony and 1 75th year anniversary this year – tomorrow i miss one grand shop opening by my uncles. illness, school, exams – as a mother your world essentially revolves around the little runts, and everything else takes a distant second.
i am sure it feels terrible. but you know you have taken the right decision.
Me: Thanks Manisha. It is right but yet doesnt feel right. Sigh.
Sigh. Like everybody said, its a painful, wise decision. But I am sure your next trip home with all the kids will make up for that. Take care.
awww…shucks! i know how upset you must be…
and i totally love the header
grrrsigh. y’know that feeling rt? grrrsigh. sorry you cant go man. hugs. time for girls night out.
Me: I am actually thinking of doing something to cheer myself up. Like a digital photography course at the local parks n rec.
I agree. I hate being grown up too. There are so many things to weigh up…so many angles to look at…so many people to consider. Oh to be 2 again, and just throw a tantrum in the middle of where-ever I am would be SO therapeutic!!
Good luck with everything.
Me: Oh The joy of stomping one’s foot and throwing oneself on the ground and screaming till your ears split.
Hey, hugs coming your way!! I can feel how hard it was for you to make that decision. But you got some great reader ideas there – the virtual bridal shower and the video and stuff!!!
Me: Thanks MGM.
Awww Its sad !! Its a wise decision nevertheless S!
Its better saving that money for all the expenses coming up than being worried later. And the trip sounds too hectic for you to spend time with your family anyway.
*Hugs*
Me: Yup it does make sense, but it doesnt make it easier to understand. Hows the sex?
Hey….while its going to be really sad that you cant be there…..am going to get a video cam and do a video diary of all the wedding preparations…e.g the shopping..the mehendi, the haldi, the getting ready…all the crazy stuff that you usually cant see on the wedding video. Plus all the crazy things me, sheetal and sonia would be saying.
Ok…don be sad…we will all miss you….
Me: Oh do that. Even all the drama I know you will have. Poppins mom shared a shaadi webcast link. Am trying to look but they dont have their costs listed there.
P.S sheetal is awwinnnggg and crying while am typing this. Such a drama queen.
Me: She is!
Sad to hear that but I am sure you are more at peace with this decision.
Watch a movie. Alone. Eat popcorn. Go shopping. Alone. Go right ahead and demand this from NK. You earned it and more.
You deserve a full day of being a child to compensate
Hugs!
Me: I would. Because I made such a grown up decision yesterday, I am dressed like a 12 yr old today.
It’s tough to stop listening to the heart and listen to the head. Kudos to you for being able to make that tough decision. It sucks when the head always ends up taking precedence but it does ‘coz logically it makes sense. But sometimes you just want to shove logic out the window
Can totally understand your issue with insurance companies. Total pain in the you know where…
Me: I hate them!
aw, I’m sorry.
Get your family to get an indicom datacard/modem. Carry along a laptop – (the indicom datacard probably needs to be bought by a person with an Indian address) – use the datacard, and connect a webcam to the laptop at the wedding so you can see the whole wedding – did this for my cousin’s wedding that I attended alone – my family in the US participated via the webcam and had a great time.
M
Me:Ohh I would ask Sonia, I think her spouse has a data card. Good idea M.
Sorry to hear that you are missing the function. It must have been very hard deciding on this one. Hope you get to make up with your sister sometime later.
Me: I hope so too.
Shucks
, I am sorry you could not go. And insurance companies are a B***h.
Hang in there and have a more relaxed reunion with the family when the time’s right.
I hate hate hate how insurance drives everything here.
I’ll have to agree..trying to please the in-laws and getting worried over kids in faraway land , plus the 4K idoes not equate well with the bliss of attending the wedding.
You made the right decision babe and kudos to you for opting what you think is right..rather than what you want.
Your sis, if she is anything like you would understand…and hey, there can be a well planned out trip anytime later to meet the new bride
{hugs}
Me: See when you write it out like that, it seems like a no brainer. HUGS
I have 2 sisters myself and can totally put myself in your place and feel what it can be like. But like the previous commentor said, your sister will understand and even if you did go, with all the hungama and mad rush, you will end up missing your kids, worrying about them and at the end of the day, feeling guilty for having gone
Hang in there.
Me: Thanks S. I know its for th best…I am going to take that anger.sadness and work off these last 20 lbs which have been stuck for so long
oy – sorry to hear that S. I hope you can go whenever you can go and have fun then. Life as a grown up sucks sometimes. Makes me wonder why we were all in a mad rush to grow up !
hugs,
Priya.
Me: I keep telling the 10 yr old the same thing. Slow down. Enjoy…dont be in a rush to be an adult. Will she listen? NO! She will realize it one fine day like how I am realizing…sigh
Oh I’m sorry..but yeah I’m sure its the right thing you’re doing. K’s brother missed our wedding, in fact he left home three days before the wedding, because his fancy Uni had some orientation and testing the day of our wedding. But yeah it felt bad initially, but these things are easy to get over…so its ok!
Hugs
Me: But brothers suck in general so that doesnt really count. rofl
what kenny said.
also like poppy and M’s ideas. wish it was around when i got married with big sis missing.
Aw man… I’m soooo sorry that you won’t be going but that is good decision considering all the cons. =(
I 2nd every good piece of advice given above.
Hang in there. Good times are coming soon.
oh, that’s too bad, esp after almost thinking that the trip was possible! but atleast ur decision is now made so u dont have to worry about it …. and some of the options here are pretty cool!
Me: I think the going back and forth was killing me. I am happy and trying to make peace with my decision
Hugs. I often think of you- at the most random times- and keep wondering how the travel fund is doing. I am not a regular reader, but happened to come here once, and honestly, was quite awestruck by the fact that you manage 4 kids in such an admirable fashion- and take care of yourself too. kudos to you.
I was really rooting for you to be able to make the trip. No worries, life is full of opportunities, another good one will surely come.
Keep up the good work, lady.
Me: Thanks N.. I was/am sad but nowat peace with the decision.
Shucks! Sorry about that
But atleast you have now decided on something…it’s the indecisiveness that troubles na..
Me: Yup
Huge hugs for a tough decision. In my family none of us three siblings could attend each others weddings, for various reasons. These things do happen. We are trying to attend the weddings of the next generation!
With you virtually for your sister’s wedding!
Me: Thanks Dipali.
Hugs, hugs and lots of hugs. Agree, it sucks to be a grown up sometimes and make those decisions that your mind knows is right but your heart doesn’t really support it
BTW, I am loving going through your ‘daily outfit’ posts !
insurance wont approve if you order online? i order directly from neocate. i usually get 4 cans for 115-120 depending on the coupons available.
Me: You know I didnt understand the whole shit thing. why I had to go through Apria instead of my local Walgreen’s phamarcy. This time I am going to do it differently, if its approved.
I know..I knoww..hugs agains
or mine.
Me:You siao guys. You and Sheetal plan to marry in the same month/year so that I will get 2 for 1 bang.
power la. on eh sheetal?
ON!!!