Ashwina had her first Girl Scout meeting today. She will be joining a troop at a different elementary school because our school doesnt have a 5th grade troop. And then next year when she goes to middle school, all the elementary schools will combine and have a big troop. This was one of the things I promised her she would join when we switched schools this year.Background info when we moved last year, our neighbourhood school didnt have a spot in their first grade class, so I chose to put both girls in a different school. This school is the lowest rated in the district. Our neighbourhood school is the highest rated. Their API scores are above 900 this year which is excellent. When I enrolled Neil in kinder, I had to either chose to have all 3 at our neighbourhood school or at the school the girls were already going to and have had made friends. Being the evil mom I am, I chose to move back to our neighbourhood school. The biggest reason was that I have 3 different dismissal times and I was hoping to find other moms to carpool, which hasnt happened yet but as always I am hopeful. I promised Ashwina I would let her join the GS troop even if I have drive all over the area to find one. Phew..what a long explanation and by the time I come to the main point, I have already forgotten what I wanted to say.
So today was her first meeting. It’s early dismissal, I picked up Neil at 11.45, the boys and I hung out at the playground.The girls were dismissed at 12.25. I dropped Ashwina off at 12.35. I was suppose to pick her up at 2.20. I called NK and asked him whether he would do it and he said yes. I said, I will have chai ready for him and (a kiss) So chai drank, chatted, kissed kissed and then a friend called.
She was asking me how come Nk was home and I said he picked Ashwina up. And then this friend says, he is so good no. He helps so much.You are so lucky. I laughed out loud. Seriously he picks her up one time and he’s suddenly awarded this sainthood.
My mil says the same thing. That he does a lot. I said, toh, baap hai na bachoko. Sautaylah(sp?) nahi hai na woh(he is their father, not step father.. this word in hindi has implications of being the evil stepmother kind)
I dont think he does enough. I do a hell a lot more than he does. But the few times, he picks the kids up, he gets all the praise. And me despite doing twenty thousand things, people would just say, oh you are the mom, its your job. Pissed me off.
Moving along, Comcast gave me back $300. Another one of the things, I do and no one gives me recognition for it! Ohh one of the interesting tips I learnt from the class yesterday was to never delete pictures from the card in the computer but to always do it in the camera. Apparently, the camera has more sophisticated way of doing it or something. I never knew this and always deleted it after uploading it. Now you know as well.
PS: The new spelling check is pissing me. I have individually clear the red checks. Arggh
I think you made a wise decision by putting all of them in the same school … ever since you told me the girls were changing schools I wanted to know why … now I do.
Me:Such a long story, right?
And the men getting credit … lets just say they are lucky …
And there’s this subtle byline that you are not only lucky but also slacking off if the husband did this one odd job!
Me: Sigh, women can never win.
With the exception of the MIL, all women when they say or mean your husband is a saint, just mean one thing by implication- their own husband is a sinner. They are not even thinking about you. Saint in comparison to the devils they are married to not you of course.
PS: When a MIL says it, she just means by implication that since she gave birth to a saint, she must be GOD and should be treated like that.
Me: rofl… That is hilarious. You know what next time I get this comment, I am going to say, agglay janaam mei tum bhi lucky hogi.
Oh yeah..mostly all of the wifey junta would agree with you on that one – the men get all the credit for whatever little/big they do, while the women are royally told its their duty!
And mine toh makes it a point to invite over half dozen friends when he has cooked something..( once a blue moon), especially to announce how hard he has worked. Also, there is the web cam with live streams to his parents and mine about the manual work he is doing at home. All for the praise!
Thankfully, my in-laws and parents know enough about the hubby and laugh it off
Me: Oh god and rofl about he inviting his friends when has cooked.
Yay!!! on your $300 girl..but you said it was more than $400 no?
Me: It was $480 because I calculated $68 per month from Jan. But apparently, they charged me the “promo” rate of $29.99 for 6 months and then started charging me $68 for the next 3 months. So it comes up to $298 or something. I have asked for past bills from Jan to Aug as proof
Gosh! Ignore those narrow-minded idiots and tell them you’ll meet them when they come over to the 21st century..
Me: Another good reply.
This is so true. Moms never get the recognition. I had recently gone to my cousin’s marriage and since I was busy with all the rituals etc, my husband was mainly handling the little one. Gosh! everyone and anyone present there told me that I had such a great husband. And then, I went for some family gathering againsoon after and this time I was mainly handling the little one. And no one even noticed. That’s one stereotype we have to live with. On the same lines, I work the same hrs as him and bring home almost the same salary, nobody praises me for that too
Me: Isnt that insane? So bad, next time use the sperm donor reply.
That is the way it is love. SAHM’s have nothing to do, women are never doing enough as a mother, a working woman is evil, these are the cliches we live with. The men are praised if they so much as lift their finger, and yes, it is irritating.
And guess what, if you haven’t noticed, I am always praising your ability to manage so many many things!
Me: I noticed. HUGS!
Yeah, I know what you mean!!
Till date people ‘praise’ my father for having being there for my mother while she was working and managing two (hyperactive, hypernaughty) girls. They never miss to mention how they saw him ‘washing utensils’, doing laundry (esp the heavy bedsheets) etc..
No, not even once do they mention how difficult it was for my mom to cook, get us dressed for school, clean the house, prepare lunch for all of us, get our homework done, etc..
I love my dad for being such a good husband and father. But I also adore my mom for having handled everything with so much (apparent)ease.
I wish she had received atleast some acknowledgment for being so efficient and graceful.
So I know what you must be feeling!!
Me: Its good that you acknowledge her. And how nice for you to grow up with a dad that helps around.
Such is the life of a desi woman. Meh. I HATE how much praise G gets, but when I slave away at something it gets passed over. Chores are completely thankless. Only 2 things get some credit: 1. make money; and 2. cook food. That’s it. All the late nites up with kids, shopping, decorating, cleaning, running errands, calling docs to find out whats going on in MIL’s and kids health…does not matter.
Oh and I never got ur email!
Me: really I sent it a while ago. weird.
but thats how it is! because majority of men even today dont chip to any household chores even with working wives. so any man who does what he “should” be doing gets high praise.
but my take on it is like this. knowing that my man is an exception (whether i like it or not) and does things around the home, i dont mind appreciating him in public or people saying i am lucky.
‘coz at the end of the day we both know what is the balance we share!
so next time just say indeed I am lucky and NK is even luckier!
cheers!
Me: Yes thats true, although NK gets inflated at times and demands certain things. I have to bring him down to earth once in a while.Like for eg, during the times when I am out by myself, people gasp(out of shock,surprise horror,amazement) when they hear that the kids are at home with him. I tell these people. I freaking do it day in day.
I’ve recently moved so I know exactly what you’re talking about with the whole school rating system. It basically determined where we live. Congratulations on getting the $300 back. That sort of thing goes in your personal shopping budget for all you do around the house
. Thanks for the tip about the camera and file deletion. I’ve always done it from the computer too. Good luck with the carpooling prospects!
Me: Thanks. The deleting thing was new to me as well. and yes that goes in my personal fun stash.
Really I get this so much. My cousin and his wife were visiting and they saw the way I and S communicate(I said hey S can u get me some water etc) and my cousin tells me wow u are lucky how does he tolerate you! I was mad but didnt say anything. Even when S loads the dishwaher people grovel at his feet saying I am very lucky. I would say those women who say we are lucky are really unlucky their husbands treat them like kaamwali! Atleast ours get off their butt sometimes!
Me:She said that to you. How does he tolerate you. Arghhh! Dont people think before opening their mouths.
The world has not changed much right? Still praising men and taking us for granted. Luckily my close friends’ hubbies do same or more share of family chores as V, so he does not get to be up in the air much. There are a few exceptions, with whom I prefer to mingle less
Me: I know some of NK’s friends who are horrible and dont even step into the kitchen and some who are so awesome. I dont let him compare though. I just say we have 4 kids and you have to step up.
Oh yeah I know how sainthood is bestowed upon husband’s when they do one simple act in a decade and we never reach that high pedestal even after doing miracles almost on a daily basis….coz we are moms…pahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! But I think the smile from your kids and the hugss that follow before they are put to sleep is what keeps me going
and yeah the occasional treat from the holy husband when he holds you tightly and say you are a super mom and wife makes me slave for more….heee
Me: Yeah and that helps. He just told me wonderful job for the Comcastic bastards and another credit card issue I dealt with. I also told him that was going to go in my fun money a/c.
Wow but I still insist on saying that you are a super mom…picking up kids at three different time…I go nuts trying to fit my schedule around one pick up time. I need to learn a lot from you…
Me: Its crazy. Neil gets off at 11.45. Avasha gets off at 2.35 and Ashwina at 3.10. Avasha gets dismissed and goes and hangs out with a group of 3rd grade girls and does her homework in the main hall of the school. I get there around 2.45 and we wait till Ashwina gets off. Oh oh, next week onwards, Samar will start and he will go 2 days 9-1130 Tues and 9.00-1230 Thursday. If you hear some news report of a desi woman forgetting her child someplace. That will be me!
I know many MILs and FILs who do not like their son to change his own kid’s diapers….. Period.
No further comments!
Me: The first trip to India(Ashwina was 20 months old), my inlaws were shocked he did it. I said so, kya hua. The last time, they didnt blink an eye. And my mil tells relatives proudly , that my dil does everything herself, there is no bai and Nk helps her out a lot.
Heh – I doubt this state of affairs will ever change, in *any* kind of society, desi or American
IME, the stay-at-home parent, no matter their gender, gets no respect! In our neighbourhood, we have several fathers who are the SAH-parent (or maybe they WFH) and so are the ones to do the school stuff, and they all complain about the same thing!
Me: Thats true, I have seen it happen so many times, once you say you are a sahm/d, people tend to tune you out.Especially in the stinking Bay Area.
But yeah, this is where I trot out the “he is their father, not just the sperm-donor” line (tailored suitably for company/politeness
)
M
me: My original M.Nice to see you back
And I completely forgot that comeback line, I have to throw it out sometime.
Remind me the next time and we can both vent over this. I do 95% of the stuff with the kids but the OH will walk away with all the honors (hmpffff!!) The camera tip is handy. Will keep that in mind
Me: We can go on and on I am sure. I am reminded of the daycare story you told me.
You lost me at the beginning… How can a neighborhood school not have enough spots for the kids in their own neighborhood?
Me: I asked this same question to the school district person. and her answer was Welcome to the Bay Area. I couldnt believe it. So if you move mid year, you just take whatever school that has openings in your grade level. Isnt that insane?
I had E’s Back To School Night yesterday and the husband was watching the kids for the evening (7 – 8:30 pm)And that includes time required to drive, park and walk to the school. He called me THREE times, asking what to do. Baby is crying. E is throwing a tantrum. What to do ?
I told him “Deal with it” and hung up. Then I turned my phone to “silent”. E’s teacher said to me “He *really* needs to spend some time with the kids no?”. I didn’t know whether to love her or hate her. One day Sunita, you and I will run away to spa-land and leave our kids with our husbands and then they will appreciate what it means to be a stay-at-home mom.
*sigh* I should really post this at my blog – but its so much more fun to hang out at yours
Priya.
Me: NK used to do this in the begining when I left him with the kids. He would call me and asked nonensical questions. Now that the girls are older, they help quite a bit and he doesnt call me anymore. I have said at times, I am very happy I had no missed calls from you. I want to run to that spa-land now. Back in 05, my friends in LA gave me a spa thing as a gift. It was heaven. I seriously was crying when it was time to come home. Its more fun leaving comments at other blogs. I am such arambler and my comments sometimes crack me up. I go back and try and edit and make them shorter
Oh Sunita! don’t you know. Since you are a mother it is your duty to take care of kids. Dads don’t have any such responsibility so when they pick up a diaper or a dish then it should be written in golden words.
Seriously! do people think before they talk? As if they are talking about some neighbor guy helping you.
Me: rolf at my neighbour helping. My next door neighbour is really nice though, he helped twice to bring stuff in from the van, and it was Costco shopping. Can you imagine if my friend saw that? I think she would say I was giving him sexual favours or something.
I Am laughing so hard reading all the comments!!When we went to India,we were at my uncle’s house,I was eating and Aadi needed a diaper change ..and S got up to change and suddenly there was a mad scramble..my aunt got up,my grandmother,my uncle and my dad..everyone..LOL!!I kept eating..wasnt really comfortable..but atleast everyone left me alone for the rest of the trip.
Me:hahaha that is really funny.So they didnt let him change the diaper?
Hahaha… yes… my mom thinks Alejandro is soooooo great because my own dad did NOTHING. I think Alejandro does a lot more than some of my friends’ husbands, so I am grateful, but I still do a LOT more. Oh yeah… and he always says stuff like, “You’re so lucky that I do more than ____” and name a totally deadbeat husband/father that we know. Hahaha!
Me: Ha! Nk does that too.
Regarding GS… I was a GS from 2nd grade to 12th grade and I loved it. In the beginning there were a ton of girls in my troop, but as the years went by, we got fewer until 12th grade there were only 4 of us. But it was great because I got to do a lot of things that I would never have done since my parents were totally clueless. And I was always very popular at school around GS Cookie time. My favorite memory was when I was in junior high and my troop leader “kidnapped” me (she showed up to my house all random and told me I had 5 minutes to pack for an overnight trip – of course she had my mom’s permission beforehand) and my other troop members and we spent the night in the local library. Sigh… heaven! I hope Ashwina has many great adventures with her GS troop!
Me: Your troop leader sounds awesome. Ashwina is going saling soon. I am jealous.Dont buy cookies from anyone else. Wait for us.
ROFL at desi woman forgetting…..tee hee. I am sure I am gonna be whisked off by the police one day for not being at the bus stop on time
hey I’ve been here – insanely busy at work, so may not comment on all posts. I think the lack of respect for the SAH-parent happens everywhere, not just the Bay area. I’m in TX, in a reasonably upscale suburb; friends in another state, in a definitely blue-collar neighbourhood (They’ve lived there 30 + years, the area was white-collar when they bought, and they’re retired now) say the same thing happens in their area, men who are home now (with the downturn, several men are out of jobs) also face this lack of respect. I read about this in the Atlantic as well – and the people polled were from the DC/Virginia area….
Me: Sigh, I really admire men who are sahd.It must be tough and everyone will automatically assume its because your wife earns more.
As for the schools issue – glad you have all of them in the same school now.
M
Me: yes Thank god. They are now on the same holiday schedule and spring breaks and stuff.