1. If you are using a feed reader, do you use asaaan.wordpress.com or asaaan.com?
2. If your ex adds you on FB, do you a)add him/her or b) ignore him/her
3.If you spouse adds his/her ex on FB, are you okay with that?
4.Do you think you and your ex can become friends?
5.Do you think your spouse and his/her ex can become friends?
PS: I added comment moderation for this post so feel free to post.
1. Use asaaan.com
2. Add him. Because adding would not mean anything else than being an acquaintance.
3. Okay with him adding her, but not with a rediscovered friendship of sorts. (what can i say, i’m being a hypocrite)
4. No. Strictly.
5. Ref 3 above.
Me: Thanks Neha..
Oh-kay, now that you’ve de-moderated comments, I see there are 31 and maybe I sound like the only insecure one
But I’ll still stick by it because:
– I’m the kind of person who thinks that if a relationship ended, it ended after everything had been tried. There’s nothing there, and there’s no point re-visiting.
– I’m a firm believer of the fact that things like these end up in either unnecessary mistrust with the one you actually care about, or they lead to mind games. Who really wants either?
– Well, there’s no good way to put this: Once my territory’s marked, I like to keep it sacrosanct. There are no re-negotiations in relationships, and there’s no looking back.
Well, there were so many varied points of view, I had to come back and re-comment. But at the end of the day, to each their own.
right.. and I dont think everyone has such different exs and marriages that it is difficult to say what is the right thing to do. I am answering them myself in the next post.
prompt, thats kenny.
no feedreader. but its in my blog roll as asaaan.com not the older one.
my husband is a very occasional facebooker, he is on my friendslist, am ok with it.
too old to answer all the ex-boyfriend girlfriend type things!!!
with love from friendly neighborhood (in a global world) kenny
Me: pfft.. What old!
I guess the feed that works for me or at least the feed that bloglines defaulted to is asaaan.wordpress.com but it links to asaaan.com if I click it.
I did add my ex, we are friends and have been.
My spouse probably will add his ex. I am good friends with his ex and they are friends too. I am OK with that.
Me: Interesting.I wonder how many people will have that answer.:)
Doing homework now
Will answer in detail later 
http://www.asaaan.com
reardig all ex questions, i think someone is an ex for a reason and if that reason allows you to be friends again, there is no harm in adding on fb and being friends. If there is something to be vary of its possibility is still there, even outside fb.
Hi,
Have been a regular reader of your blog. Haven’t commented yet, but here goes my answers.
1. No feedreader. But I use asaaan.com
2. Add him, unless we parted on horrible terms.
3. Yes
4. Yes. But it will not be a very deep friendship. would be more like hi-hello.
5. Yes
Me: waves hello.
1. Asaaan.com
2.Don’t hav an ex as such, but hypothetically, I don’t think so, because it is not a comfortable zone for me.
3.I am OK, as long as he is honest and open about it to me.
4. Once again hypothetical, but no, I don’t think I can, infact I don’t think its possible to be just friends with someone, you have at some point being romantically involved with. Even if it starts normal, issues are bound to creep up at some point. Like suppose you have with your current partner, the easiest trap would be to go to the ex for consolation, and that could get complicated.
5. Maybe they can, depends on the kind of people they are. Will I be comfortable about it, heck no. But again it will depend on the level of honesty my partner shares with me, as well as his attitude towards the whole thing. Like if his ex, suddenly joins the company he is working for or vice versa, I don’t think its possible to pretend that they don’t know each other. If the re-acquainting with each other gets a bit too cosy, it would definitely bother me, for the reason stated above. But being what I am, I would not make efforts to stop it either, because I don’t think there is any point at all holding someone against their will.
About the ex-issue though, I think it is a very person to person matter, and all my replies are about how I see it. I have seen people actually go out with their own spouse, and a single ex, or even the ex and his/her date. So at the end of the day, it matters a lot about what kind of person we are. I am an old fashioned hag in all probability. I know a lot of people who have a group friends, and there are a lot of exes in there, and they are all OK with it. But my simple opinion is, things can get complicated, if one gets into a very friendly zone with an ex. Sometimes a friendship needs to be maintained, like if you have a lot of people in common, or work in the same office n stuff, and even that can be a bit tough, but otherwise, I think its dangerous territory, all the way.
What comment moderation? Mine has just turned up…. you are not moderating woman!
You are on my blogroll and that goes straight to asaan.com
The rest of the Qs are ‘not applicable’
Hypothetically though…answer to 3 and 5 would be a ‘NO’ !
Hi there,
Iv been following your blog for a while now but this is the first time im making my presence feel. I love your blog, and I really admire the fact that you are a SAHM to 4 KIDS!! Bravo… ! now off to your questions:
1. Don’t have one.
2. I already have him on fb :p spouse is not aware
3. I would NOT be ok with it. I have his fb account details, id go there and delete here. I’m a mean, jealous bitch like that!
4. Not sure, we’re more acquaintances rather then friends
5. I don’t want to think about that possibility ever happening
Me: waves hello. So if your spouse finds out, wouldnt he be upset?
1.asaaan.com
2.added him (with glee:)…regularly stalk,sorry,look at pics of him,his wife and kids..we’re still v.chummy but as someone said before,there’s a reason the person’s an “ex”
3.Hubby doesn’t have an ex(well, that’s what he told me) or FB-just a couple of people he “liked/saw as part of his pennu kannal/bride hunting;)”-one of them invited me as we were childhood/family friends …but I’ve a feeling she wanted to see what HE was up to…I accepted her but don’t invite him to see her pics/see what he missed;(-am mean like that!
4.we are…have a lot of good feelings toward him while at the same time v. v. v.occasionally wonder at what could have been/realise what an immature sleazeball he was during our time…but am pretty satisfied with my lot…couldn’t have been better especially with the 2 gorgeous kids I have.
5.over my dead body!…what works for me doesn’t neccesarily work for him..guys are too simple for that and I DON’T want him picturing ANYONE else whlie we’re at our nookie!as i said,I’m mean like that.
1. asaaan.wordpress.com
2. I’ve never had an ex friend me on facebook but when we were dating we were friends on myspace – and he’s still a friend on myspace (alhtough I never use myspace on a regular basis now.) I think I kept him on myspace because I am curious at what people are doing…
3.My husband is friends with his ex on myspace – but I don’t worry about it. The way he talks about her IRL is so full of hatred – again I believe he kept her as a friend is because, like me, loves to see what people are up to.
4.There is only 1 ex that I’m friends with – and he’s gay so it’s cool!
5.Hahaha my husband’s ex wants to be one of MY best friends – but I despise her! He is friendly with his ex – when you spend all of your college years dating the same person you are going to have common friends and information being passed along.
1. asaaan.wordpress.com – for a simple reason that i was reading u before u moved and i didnt have to update the feeds
2. well depends on what relation i have with the ex… may be i will add him and keep him in a group who doesnt have the full access
3. yeah i think i will be ok after all its out in the open
4. yes i think u can (i am friends with my ex bf and hubby knows it infact we sometimes meet together
)
5. why not… if i can then they can too… i think N and ex are in touch too though they are not really friends
BTW very interesting set of ques there….
I don’t use reader, I just check the site for new posts.
I don’t have an ex – so no worries on that front. I would be more happy if DH doesn’t add his ex on FB- so far no, though we both know tat she’s there.
He doesn’t have feeling for her and i don’t want him to have any sort of friendship with her either
My theory is, if it was true love, there’ll always be some soft spot for that
person deepdown – so why ignite it again by being in touch
I know, am possessive !
I’m like Jacqueline, the gReader pulls from wordpress but the clickthrough goes to the main URL.
I don’t use my maiden name on FB mostly because I don’t think it’s appropriate to be friends with my exes. I also don’t have my HS linked up for that reason. I really liked all of them and would easily fall into a comfortable conversation pattern especially with inside jokes. That’s what happens when I see them anyway so I imagine that would just be intensified via the internet (especially since I’ve found 90% of them on FB). And, likewise, I wouldn’t like it if KJ was friends with exes but he only has one gf he dated for a longish period in HS and she literally went to the loony bin so I don’t care about her. Bwah! I always dated people who were my friend first so I’m always, always wary of male-female friendships because I believe one party actually cares more.
My life is weird though, there is almost no one left in it that knows me from before 2002. And I was asked yesterday if I have brothers or sisters and I said I had a brother and corrected myself for using past tense.
1. asaan.com
2. yes
3. yes
4. Absolutely…telling it from my experience…me and one of my ex are super duper close friends even today…
5. Yes for that too because me and my hubby have hung out with my ex at least once before and it was cool…
I think all this depends on the kind of relationship security you have. Right now where I am, I think both of us feel very comfy with each other and are ok with such things…a few years from now things might change…who knows…
1. asaaan.com
2. I am friends with my ex on FB. I can’t remember who added who. I think I added him.
3. AJ is friends with a few of his exes on FB. I am fine with that. He doesn’t really talk to them much, just keeps in touch thru FB.
4. Yes, my ex and I are friends but we don’t talk much either. He and his girlfriend came to my wedding. We were good friends before we dated, so we remained friends after.
5. Yes, they are friends. I’ve met two of them and they are really cool. I wouldn’t mind seeing them again.
The thing is, as busy adults, it’s really hard to maintain friendships, especially when you don’t live in the same town. At most we only connect online. AJ and I are both aware there is a line we don’t cross. We remain distant friends with our exes out of respect for each others’ feelings. So, I guess this is why we are OK with each of us being friends with our exes.
1) Asaaan.com
2) If my ex added me to FB, I’d be very suspicious. We had a hostile divorce and there was some very hurtful stuff that happened between us. So I’d wonder what his motives were. At the end of the day, I’d add him and show him my limited profile – which is basically nothing!
3) Yes. Totally ok.
4) See point 2. We’d both have to apologise to each other and clear the air before that could happen. I’m ok with doing that. I doubt he is.
5) TG is very good friends with a couple of her exs. (The ones that were serious.) In fact, I am good friends with them too.
1. I just clicked on your link that’s on my blog – dunno which one it is.
2. My ex has invited me to add him on LinkIn and I’ve accepted. FB so far he hasn’t asked.
3. No, because while it’s over and he has never bothered to contact them again, he only seems to keep the better memories about them. I don’t think he’s being fair nor objective (when he spends his time criticising me
). Anyway, he’s not on FB.
4. Sure, we can be friends – virtually. I personally believe that if you do not want to lose a friend – don’t sleep with him.
5. No, because I said so. But it’s OK for me to be friends with mine – because I am a very controlled person. Men and women we’re not the same. LOL
One more thing, actually I found his ex on FB and told him about it. He didn’t seem interested at all.
1. asaaan.com
2. add
3. yes, but my spouse is not in fb yet
4. sure
5. sure
1. asaaan.com
2. IGNORE! No need to rekindle what shoulda coulda been….!
3. You freak out and you say…WTF!?!?!? No, I am not ok with that!
4. NO! NO! NO! There’s a reason they are ex’s. A lot of people have baggage from previous relationships… that only leads to meeting up with them to apologize for their behaviors (if in same area)….etc.etc. I’m sure my husband would be furious if I met up with my ex for “coffee” – just to say hi!
5. NO! NO! NO! There is no reason why they should be friends….! To compare families – to have them think about they’re past together…the kinky things they did together. I’m sure if they weren’t both married, they wouldn’t be inviting each other to their weddings right? JUST WEIRD! If they were local would you invite her to his 40th birthday party? How would you feel if he kissed her on the cheek in front of you….JUST WEIRD! Keep the temptation to a minimum! lmao
Or maybe, you had to work soooo hard over the years for him to trust you cause his ex cheated on him….! Should she have the right to be his FRIEND? NO!
Just my opinion – I am very happily married and would like to keep it that way!
Two ex-es on my FB list and Viking’s ex is on his. They are still friends. Its all good. I have a good relationship with the first ex.. we can find ourselves FB chatting about our kids and lives and I really love that someone who was so much a part of my life then can still so easily be that now – though in a disembodied kinda way:-)
1. asaan.com
2. No ex(Ever!) so it’s sorry tale there.
3. Funnily enough both my Hubby’s exes had same name as me(Weird!!!) so would be confusing and could lead to identification issues unless photos attached. Ahem! not advisable.
4. See two above. Although don’t tell Hubby ever because have sort of concocted an ex to save my dignity.
5. Hubby is friends with everyone so no, this won’t be a stretch at all for him.
asaaan.com
dekho i have always stood by the theory that new technologies or in this case the cyber world/social networking have not really created new ‘ spaces’ and rituals…perhaps the ” old” is just incorporated and recreated..if you were the type who was OK with ex-best friend joining a new group in school and still sitting behind you in class you will be OK with all that FB is bringing to your life as well…I know that doing ” kutti” earlier involved placing thumb nail under teeth and extracting it with the right amount of pressure and there was that whole cesspool of Kachi Kutti and Pakki Kutti and the de-kuttifying rituals..and facebook makes it way so simpler with limited profiles and blocking and inviting ex-es so decide yara which road you will take? Chill Asaaan, life is short and then its over…if spouses want to add exes its their karma. Theek hai we cant all be Demi Moore-Bruce Willis about it but there can be some dignified way to handle all the occupants of the Facebook boat….as long as the pokes between the two exes are virtual Facebook pokes i guess its cool!!!
1. Like many others, Reader points to wordpress but redirects to Asaaan.com on clicking
2. I already am
3. No, I have this jealousy thing I need to sort out first …
4. Not bffs, though we do chat civilly whenever we run across each other
5. No! See 3. above … clearly, I’m not rational on some things and have a lot of double standards. Oh well.
What’s the survey for? Do we get to see your answers too?? And there’s an award for you on my blog …
1. For your blog I don’t use a feed reader. U’re on my blogroll so click directly.
2. Depends on the relationship with the ex. If we ended badly and are not on talking terms, won’t add. But in general, I am ok with accepting a request.
3. Yeah, totally ok.
4. Yes, we already are!
5. Yes ofcourse they can be, and in my particular case, they are!
Asaaan.com. Why?
So, tell us about your ex!
1. Google reader- asaaan.com. Wish I can read the whole post in the feed reader instead of having to click and open a new window into the site.
2. I deleted my fb account. It I still had it – I would add him so that he can see how happy my life is and then a week later delete him – sort of a “hi, thanks for your concern – bye”.
3. Yes, as he is never on facebook and im teh one who checks his fb and adds people who’ve reuested to be added. Plus his best friend married his ex and her and I are now best friends too. It’s all good cos they were never in any serious relationship together , they just went out a few times in High school. MO and I met and married very young so we don’t have any real “ex’s”.
4. No. I have no interest in doing so.
5. Yes. See answer for 3.
I just go to the website, firefox has this thing where it finds the url on typing a few letters.
) I’d add him depending on the circumstances of the breakup. My husband would probably not be thrilled by it though.
If I had a real Ex (something I regret not having
I’d be ok with my husband adding his ex, depending on the person. I know one of the women he had feelings for though they weren’t in a real relationship and I’m pretty ok friends with her.
Same as 1.
I’d be fine as long as it wasn’t hidden from me in any form.
Hi Asaan,
First time on ur blog and enjoying it…thought i would delurk and say hi and answer ur questions
1. To answer 1 – first time on blog..so Not applicable i guess
2. Yes i would add an ex
3. Yes my husband can add an ex
4. Yes friends with ex is possible…i am at least…though i keep it at acquaintance time friendship else it’s dangerous!!!
5. Yes again – i know i sound too good to be true but i am not really possessive. There is a reason why she is an ex and i am the present…No point fretting!!As long as i am in the know of whats happening!
Me: You are the 3rd new delurker on the blog. Waves hello
You found EX??? yay!! now tell us all!
1. I use the wordpress link
For questions 2, 3 and 4 – it totally depends on the ex. I am pretty sure of me and my spouse, but if the break up has been uncivil or if there was some crazy stalking involved, I would not want the ex anywhere in the facebook friends’ list!
I’ll just say that as long as I know whats going on first hand and I don’t find things out from another source, I would be fine with my spouse being friends with his ex.
On the other hand, I don’t have a spouse yet….SO I don’t know for sure how I would feel.
Oh and I use asaaan.wordpress.com.
1. asaaan.com although I usually just type and visit everyday
2. Add ofcourse – doesn’t he need to see how great my life is? (Infact one of them is already there)
3. Spouse not on FB. He doesn’t believe in social networking *rolls eyes*
4. Yeah sure why not. Not close friends but Hi-Bye how are you doing? kind of friends. Am in touch with my exes – all of them
5. No way. Spouse is not the type. He doesn’t like bumping into his past – girlfriends, friends nothing. Is clueless/not bothered about me doing the same though